Grandfather Tree

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2011-03-30T23:23:00.002-05:00

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Letting Go

2008-11-01T13:58:00.004-05:00

Majestic elephant ears impossible to believe without a photo. A week later and a hard freeze and there is almost nothing left. So I get out my small hand clippers and cut into the stem that tried very hard to be a trunk. It takes ten or more cuts to get through it. Water seeps onto the clippers, the blood of the creature freely given. Sitting and cutting it into smaller pieces for the compost pile, I find several leaves inside, wrapped around and around, ready to unfurl in case the season turned out to be longer. But it never is much longer. Winter creeps up regardless of the global warming. It knows its time is spent and has no regrets. It lets go without a whimper or sigh. The human gets all sentimental. Sadness and joy envelop him as he understands one more slice of the mystery! Meanwhile the elephant in Africa does not wonder about her ears, but drags her mate to the elephant graveyard. She will visit him again and again, wondering what became of him, as she watches his carcass get eaten by the carrion hunters, and his bones whiten in the sun. Finally she too will let go, seeking solace by hiding in the big green leaves of her home in the foliage. [7234]

The Catholic vote

2008-10-16T20:00:00.004-05:00

For some reason I have been listening to Catholic radio lately. I don't know why exactly. I grew up as a Catholic and I always felt a certain respect for the intellectual integrity of those in authority. Yes, doctrine was important, but I was lucky enough to be among Catholics who welcomed critical thinking and argument. I guess they felt confident enough in their faith to do so. I must say that lately I have been terribly disappointed in that respect. Maybe those who go on the radio are the most conservative of the Catholics, or maybe Pope Benedict has moved the Church further in a weird direction, I do not know. When I was a kid, most Catholics I knew were Democrats. There was an understanding that the Democratic party was for the "little people," the working people, those who wanted some fairness, some government protection at times for the greed and influence, the brutal disregard for human rights of those with the money and power. Justice was an important moral principle.

Now it seems that the Catholic hierarchy and their spokespersons on the radio have simplified things. Now we are told that there is room for disagreement on most moral issues. For example, a Catholic can believe that it is morally acceptable to, unprovoked, invade a sovereign nation with the most deadly military force on the planet and kill thousands of civilians, and then occupy that country for six years, or a Catholic can believe that it is morally wrong to do so. A Catholic can believe that it is morally acceptable for the state to execute a man in cold blood or a Catholic can believe that it is wrong to do so. A Catholic can believe that public policy that rewards greed and creates the condition of 45 million people without health insurance is morally wrong or a Catholic can believe that it is morally right to do so.

However if a lab technician discards embryos, a Catholic has only one choice. He or she must believe that the technician is a murderer. If a 14 year old girl is brutally raped by her father and takes a "morning-after pill," a Catholic has only one choice and must believe that that girl is a murderer because she took a chemical that made her uterine wall inhospitable to any conception that might have taken place. The Catholic is of course able to decide whether it would be morally acceptable to execute the lab technician and the girl or not.

If a man forms a monogamous bond with another man or a woman with another woman and wants to sanctify that union, the Catholic must condemn this and must insist that it be criminalized. The Catholic has no other choice. In some unknown time and place, God has decided to be absolutely clear about homosexuality and abortion and the Church bears witness to that, but has decided to allow everything else to be a bit gray and ambiguous. And the Church becomes upset when people question that or when people say, "Are you kidding me?" I never thought I had to leave my brain at the door of the Church when I was a practicing Catholic. Now it seems that Catholics are asked to do so. [7129]

Intuition

2008-06-23T08:36:00.000-05:00

It was a long trek. Flight from Fredericton, New Brunswick to Toronto went uneventfully, even the process of getting my luggage, going through customs, re-checking my baggage, then going through security again. Taking the long trip by bus to the gate where I was to fly to Cleveland. Then the problems arose. Flight to Cleveland cancelled. Trip back by bus to customs back into Canada, wait a long time for bags. Call 800 number to try to get a different flight, knowing that I will be charged 69 cents a minute because I am using a US cell phone. Thirty minutes, some hope, then the call is dropped. Finally get luggage, turn in customs card, pull luggage and briefcase a long way again, find special phones to talk to Air Canada, finally get new flight. Check bag, but have to carry it through customs again, turn in another customs card, then need to go through security again. I walk into the area and see a very long line. It is like the lines at Disney World, weaving around and around, passing people each time around. I am tired, weary.

I notice a guy with a T-shirt that says Namaste on it and something about when I am in that space and you are in that space, we are one. I think of nodding and giving him the Namaste gesture, but I do not. Then I remember to breathe. I remember to notice the higher self and check with it. There is no exhaustion, no weariness there. I realize that the higher self is excited. About what? All these people from different places on the planet. This is Toronto after all. There are many people here that I have never encountered in the flesh in this lifetime. I learn from the Higher self that many of them are folks I have known well in other lifetimes. There is a big party on the other side as the higher selves of all these people interact. It would give them the greatest joy to experience some interaction here on this plane.

The Namaste guy passes again and I bow with hands joined. He responds and comments about my T-shirt, which is about spiritual healing. He says something about the connection and walks on. There is a huge smile on my face. I tentatively check out folks as they pass, not wanting to intrude, knowing that most would have no awareness of their connection. A woman notices me and smiles. She asks what has struck me as funny. I respond that it is a bit difficult to explain, but the connection was established, and there is much joy on the other side.

The connection for me ebbs and flows. The body is still tired and weary, and must be attended to. The higher self knows this and does what it can, but on some level doesn’t really care. A little discomfort is certainly worth it for the amazing thing that has just happened. Plus, it is excellent practice for this little human to learn to breathe and to follow my intuition even when there are some minor obstacles

I picked up Paulo Coelho’s book “The Witch of Portobello” and discover it is all about intuition, which was the topic of my workshop in Fredericton. A super question I have been playing with is this: “How would my life be different if I always consulted with my intuition and followed it, always?” I haven’t finished the book yet but it appears that the main character Athena comes close to this. She does end up murdered but there is much more to it. [This is not really a spoiler because this fact is revealed on page two of the book.]

I am writing this at a point where I have just one more flight to get home and it too has been delayed. However I do think I will get home yet tonight. Due to the last delay, I had time for supper and I ordered a Portobello mushroom sandwich in Athena’s honor.

Any Paul Coelho fans out there? What do you think about my super question? [6429]

Preparing for Trip Part Two

2008-06-19T09:57:00.001-05:00

Dream: We are working on a problem: falling down through the atmosphere. I point out that there is the factor of increased wind resistance, for example a billowing skirt, or ultimately a parachute. Someone brings forth a very large blanket-like thing. It looks like it was crocheted. There are small holes. I am told that it would work for 700 people falling.

Wake and doze.

I examine the crocheted canopy. I look at it very closely and I see that there are countless stories woven into the fabric. Stories of people’s lives: struggles, joys, lessons learned and not learned, experiences, rich experiences.

Perhaps my story is in there. Perhaps I am in the process of weaving my story in.

There is this problem you see. Every night I travel through many realms. I attend schools. In some of them I am the teacher, in some the student, in many I am both teacher and student. As I get ready to wake up, it is as if I am ready to “jump out of a perfectly good airplane.” I need a chute, a canopy, to soften my fall so that I will remember something of who I really am. As each morning approaches, I try out a different parachute, a new idea on how to soften the fall. However, each morning I wake up into a dense complicated troubling world. The chute fails to open and I forget. The energy, the information dissipates. I am immediately caught up into the drama.

It is getting better though as I am remembering to breathe. I can breathe in the memories that do get through. I breathe in the crocheted canopy this morning. I am thankful for the many beautiful stories woven into that fabric. I breathe them all in this morning as I prepare for my trip north and east.

My destination is Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada. The third North American Conference on Spirituality and Social Work. [6391]

Preparing for Trip Part One

2008-06-19T09:52:00.008-05:00

Herodie and Blaster-Fye were playing in the garden when the call came in. Instantaneously they were at their posts ready to help. Their assignment was to report any changes in the main dude’s nightly ritual. He often sat with his wife in his lazy boy watching these strange British movies that she got at the library, mostly odd-acting private investigators, aristocratic landowners and bored women coming of age. Around 9:30 or ten he would announce he was going up stairs to bed. Once up there he would invariably check his email and often get involved in some correspondence or other, or get distracted by something on the Internet. Before he got upstairs, they were at their posts waiting in his room. Herodie liked to float near the ceiling and she occasionally got a glance at one of the bats living in the walls. Blaster-Fye stayed near his desk, as he was fascinated with their Internet systems.

When the human came in the room, Blaster-Fye could see Neocyd floating above his left shoulder and she reminded him that this night might be different as the human was indeed very tired. He just might decide to go right to bed.

Neocyd was a true creator and she had actually been a human once, but she had no intention of going through that experience again. It was a long time ago and she had integrated that aspect of herself during the time of Jeshua. The truth be told she had recently considered becoming embodied again, but she loved hanging around the human and she figured that she got all the experience she would ever want watching and learning from him. She especially had relished the changes in him during the last decade and loved to watch all the beings who hung around just at a distance hoping to learn from his experiences. Just then the human took a deep conscious breath and Neocyd could actually feel the breath going in and out. This strengthened their connection and she imagined herself taking a deep breath with him.

She was delighted by Blaster-Fye and Herodie’s enthusiasm. They were what humans used to call sprytes. They were mostly connected to the Earth realms and their consciousness was playful and a bit hyperactive. Their desire to serve was of course without question and their loyalty to the human was lovely to watch.

Just then Herodie seemed to disappear for a moment and then reappeared all excited. “He is going to sneeze,” she said and sure enough he did, loudly and enthusiastically. Neocyd always wondered where she went to learn this; she suspected she went to what the humans would call the near future, but how she knew to go there at that moment Neocyd had no idea. Whenever she asked, Herodie would just laugh and jump up and down with delight, as she could do something that Neocyd could not.

The human did check his email, but he was done in less than five minutes and got ready for bed. Neocyd was excited because she so enjoyed her encounters with the human once he fell asleep. It was so much easier to communicate with him then, and he was starting to get used to her being there and seemed to actually find some comfort in her presence, although she could not be sure that wasn’t wishful thinking.

The human was leaving the next morning on a trip across lots of human Earth space to what the humans call another country, Canada. Hundreds of angelic beings have of course been working on this trip for months. There were only a few people who would be attending whom the human had encountered in this lifetime, but a large percentage of the attendees are folks whom he had known in other lifetimes. Dozens he had known very well and had worked together for many lifetimes. There were at least seven of these individuals who had met with the human prior to his birth and had made elaborate plans for meetings in the event that such a potential were to take place.

When the human fell asleep, it was truly delicious. He grabbed Neocyd and they traveled together. They met up with dozens of entities all excited about his trip. They had long conversations with the higher aspects of a few people that were determined to meet and spend some time together in human form at the conference.

There were three entities, Necyd didn’t now their names, who watched and prepared for the human’s trip back into his human form. Sometimes it happened so quickly and so preparation was essential. Tonight was a bit different though because the human had been working on a project of remembering more of what took place through the night. He had been working with others on a plan to soften the blow of waking up and had planed to out it into practice tonight. He thought that the parachute metaphor was appropriate and so he developed this elaborately with many others. He wove together many of their stories as well as hundreds of his own past life aspects into a sort of energy field and thought he could download it into his human self just prior to him waking up. He always underestimated the difficulty of remembering. It seemed so easy when he was here. Neocyd knew she was influential in some ways, but he was a master, an angel in human form, and she always respected that.

When he did wake up, he was able to hold on to the tapestry image, and it seemed like he did in fact breathe some of the download into his consciousness. He really wanted to be able to actually remember details of his journey, but Neocyd didn’t understand why that was so important, as it seemed clear to her that he took it in deeply whether he remembered it or not. She wondered again, is it time to go through that again? Things are certainly different, better in many ways, but there is still lots of suffering. The level of consciousness was clearly much higher and the new energy was flowing in faster and faster. Watching the human as she has, she has felt some of it. Is she ready to step into her mastery, but to hide it from herself? Maybe, if the human perfects the waking transition process? Anyway, no hurry; she has her project now of serving the human. It is sufficient for now. [6391]

Purple Irises

2008-06-01T08:51:00.006-05:00

I sat on my front porch swing this morning and read the newspaper. Every so often I stood up to look at the beautiful purple irises just below the porch. I soaked in their beauty. Their beauty is amazing to me. It is a blessing to be on earth in this body and be able to experience this.

When I return to my head I am even more amazed. How is it that this flower is so pleasing to me? How did this happen? From an evolutionary point of view, it makes perfect sense that this flower would be attractive to the bee or butterfly that pollinates it. Otherwise it would not exist. But I am not that bee, nor am I that butterfly.

Is it pleasing to me by chance? I could believe that if there are only a very few flowers that are. Is it attractive to me because it increases the chance that I will plant it in my garden? That seems to be too much of a leap to me, although I do not pretend to understand well how "the survival of the fittest" process works. Is it pleasing to me because I share the "pleasing gene" with the bee or butterfly that pollinates it? Now there is an intriguing thought.

It appears that the bee is also pleasing to the iris. The iris does not repel the bee although it may attempt to repel other insects that could have more "sinister" intents, such as to eat it. Am I pleasing to the iris? Does the iris like the fact that I stand up and view it from time to time? Could it be that the iris likes me because I like it? Does my consciousness and the iris' consciousness merge in some way? [6253]

Pivotal Moments in Life Series, first story

2008-04-19T12:48:00.002-05:00

[I was backpacking in Scotland when a friend told me how to find Captain Billy and that he had a story that would fit well with my “Pivotal Moments in Life” series. His story is the first I collected for this project, and the one that propels me today to continue working on it.]

When I walked in the bar I could see him over in a corner table. There were several saltshakers in front of him and he was trying to balance one. When I called his name, he glanced up at me with squinty eyes, his head turned one way. He was a stocky fellow. His beard was scraggly, and his skin was an odd reddish gray color.

I told him who had directed me to him and he let out a sigh.

“Get me a bottle of whiskey, and I’ll tell you a story.”

Relieved, I went to the bar, procured the bottle and two glasses and set them in front of him. He poured and took a big swig before beginning. His voice was higher and more precise than I had expected.

“It had been a rough couple of weeks at sea. We hit a bad storm that lasted three days. When it finally let up the ship was pretty beat up. We took our bearings and set off for the closest port where we could get decent repairs. We were at it a couple of days when another storm hit and this one was much worse. We were lucky to get through it alive and when we took our bearings, we spotted land. The island was uncharted, but we decided to check it out, as our fresh water reserves were low.

“I took three of my crew in the boat and we headed for shore. When we got close we spotted what looked like a person sitting on the sand. As we got closer, I could see it was a child. When we landed, I went right for the child. It was a lad. He was looking right at me but made no sign of seeing me. He was the skinniest boy I had ever set eyes on. I could count all his ribs. He was wearing a tattered pair of shorts but no shirt. His skin was caked with layers of sand. I could see patches of red and black where the sand was wearing off, and I realized he had been sunburned repeatedly. I noticed some large shells by him with water in them. Realizing he must have found fresh water, I barked an order to my crew to go find the inland stream.

“It was as if my words brought him around. He looked right into my eyes with an intensity I had never before experienced. I quickly looked away so he wouldn’t see the pity in my eyes.

“That’s a lie. It wasn’t pity I felt but fear. Believe me when I tell you that in my many adventures I have seen things that a man shouldn’t have to see, and remained fearless. But that day I was scared, and to this day I can’t tell you why.

“The boy caught my eye again and spoke. There was the slightest of smiles on his face. These were his exact words. I will never forget them because they were emblazoned into my heart and remain there today:

Captain, left to my own devices I would act girlie, be cheered by the sun, and build sand castles.

“I thought the boy must be delirious, but he spoke with such precision as if he had been practicing the lines for months, and perhaps he had. I glanced up and down the tide line and saw the remains of countless sand castles, as far as I could see.

“You’ll be asking me what became of the kid, so I’ll tell you what I know. He had been the only survivor of a shipwreck three months before we arrived at that island, and his parents and three aunties were killed. A nice family adopted him and his new dad was a fisherman. I stopped in to see him a couple times, but he didn’t have much to say to me, and I could tell that his new family didn’t want me around, as I reminded them of things they wanted to forget. You can’t blame them for that. I heard a story that he ran off to go to sea at sixteen, but I don’t believe it. I suspect he went inland and got away from all that salt and sea. That’s what I would have done, had I been him.

“So you want to know how this has changed my life? In lots of strange ways. I look at things different. I may be seeing a sunset or an ocean liner, and the colors are wrong, or the size. I can’t rightly explain it. But mostly it’s people. When they talk I listen carefully, as if what they say must have some hidden meaning. Usually when people talk they have nothing to say. I know that. But I find myself listening all the same. Has it helped me? A few times it has. I found that women like a man to listen, and I have got close to some lovers I’ve had. But mostly, I end up avoiding people. Once in a while I think I see that kid when I know it’s someone else. I dream about the boy a lot still. I see him wake to the rising sun and turn his face to it, smiling. The sun that almost killed him! And I see him building those cursed sand castles, designing new ones every day, knowing they will be destroyed when the tide comes in. And I see him smiling when it does. And I see him at night, when the stars come out. He dances around the beach, cavorting around like a girl.

“The thing is, I haven’t been able to get the boy out of my head. He was a survivor. He found water and a way to carry it. He found food, at least enough to stay alive. He caked his body in sand to protect it from the blazing sun. The boy was barely eight years old. How did he do it? What was his secret? I ask the question, but I know he already told me. I just can’t understand it. Was he telling me he was happy? He was all alone on that God-forsaken island. How could he be happy? How could he smile at the sun that burned him? How could he keep building those blasted sand castles day after day and watch them wash away? And what in the hell was that girlie thing all about?

“Can you give me any answers?”

I took a drink of the Scotch whiskey and sighed. He had drunk most of the bottle and I had only a short glass. I had no answers for Captain Billy, so I thanked him, stood up and walked out of that bar. [5925]

The Golden Compass (review)

2008-02-18T19:06:00.004-06:00

Phillip Pullman wrote a captivating trilogy called His Dark Materials which include The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Eyeglass. The first book was recently made into a major motion picture and so has gotten a lot of attention. The movie stars Nicole Kidman and it won the BAFTA film award for best special visual effects. Prior to seeing the movie, a friend of mine told me he would not see it because the author had an agenda of spreading atheism to our children and he could not support such a thing. I saw the movie but was unable to discover anything sinister about it. In fact I was so captivated that I decided to read the entire trilogy. This is, by the way, exactly what Catholic League's Bill Donohue has warned against. Our kids would be so enthralled by the movie that they would want to read the books and would get indoctrinated into atheism. Well my daughter did check it out from her school library but was little interested in it, but I was amazed by it.

My excitement grew throughout the books. The Golden Compass is so incredibly creative and fresh, in both the book and the movie forms. To bring to life the notion that our souls can live outside our bodies in the form of various animals, called daemons, is beautiful, delicate, and invigorating all at the same time. The character of Lyra is so captivating, yet her heroic adventures are so alien but feel so true within the heart. The Subtle Knife brought in such a believable character,Will. I have seen such self-sacrificing boys and girls inside of adults, those who fought battles that should not have had to be fought at such a young age, those who cared for parents and younger siblings with grace and strength, with resilience and power. Pullman understands so much about human life and about mythology and history. A knife whose blade is so subtle that it can cut through anything is of course the knife that separates you from me, me from myself. This is the Eden story. This is what we as humans chose, to quote Genesis, “the knowledge of good and evil.” By cutting up the universe into pieces, we were able to step into the world of polarity. God was able to see Itself. This is the so-called “fall from grace.” This fall from grace is of course our true grace, that which makes us human, that which makes us grownup. We are able today to look into the eyes of another and we think we see the other, but of course we get a glimpse of ourselves.

There are multiple universes, parallel universes, sitting on top of one another, unbeknown to the inhabitants. There are, of course, scientific theories and mathematics that support such an idea. At any rate, in the story, Will is able to use the knife to cut a window into other universes and then to step through.

In the third book The Amber Spyglass, Will learns that whenever he cuts another window, a way out is created for Dust (dark matter) to escape, thus robbing all sentient life of their very sustenance. At the same time, a ghastly Specter is created, one that literally feasts on Dust, but not on the Dust that floats around us, but the specified Dust within an adult being. It sucks the person dry of all which makes him or her sentient. It is the ultimate vampire, and, of course, difficult to defeat. It will literally eat an adult’s daemon, which is strangely the accumulation, the personification of Dust. Perhaps Dust is consciousness itself, God-energy.

Each new cut makes it more difficult to re-member our oneness. And yet, through an ironic twist, one window is allowed to stay open, and that is the window that Will cut to free the ghosts from the land of the dead so they might return to the oneness. The metaphor the “make-like,” as the mulefa would call it, is strained here, perhaps beyond the breaking point. So the knife itself is “willfully” so strained, and falls to pieces, thus permanently separating Will from Lyra.

But what disturbs me most is Pullman’s preoccupation with sacrifice. I think he gets the final sacrifice correct. Both Will and Lyra are willing to sacrifice themselves to come and live in the other’s world, but they both reject this sacrifice because they know it wouldn’t work. Each would be resentful of the other because neither would be complete or full. Each must live in their own world.

What I don’t get is the sacrifice of the daemon. In order to go into the world of the dead, Lyra (and Will too but he didn’t realize it) must leave her daemon behind. She must sacrifice her own soul in order to keep her promise. Of course she gets her soul (Pan) back and in a more powerful witch or shaman like way where he is freer to travel further from her body. However, there is something that is unsettling about it to me. This sounds too much like Kant for my liking.

There is a wonderful scene in The Amber Spyglass. (278) They are traveling through the suburb of the land of the dead, following a murky stream to Pullman’s version of the River Styx. They come across an injured toad. Tialys (the little spy) suggests they kill it to put it out of its misery, speculating that it is in pain.

Will says, “If it could tell us, we’d know. But since it can’t, I’m not going to kill it. That would be considering our feelings instead of the toad’s.”

Doesn’t Lyra do the same when she betrays her daemon, betrays herself in order to appease her own guilt in regard to Roger? Is this really a model to strive after? In my mind it doesn’t fit the theme of the book. To create the “Republic of Heaven” one must be honest with oneself, one must honor one’s own daemon. It is possible though that there is a piece here that I do not understand. The witch Serafina Pekkala explains that all witches go through this process as young girls. They leave their daemon behind but do not sever from it, and as a result, their daemon can roam further from them than other sentient beings. But I am not so sure that the witches provide very good role models either. They are fierce and jealous and have strange wars that make no apparent sense. When they offer themselves as lovers, they expect the man to comply, and if one refuses her, she feels totally justified in putting an arrow through his heart, as was done to Will’s father.

So I must remain unsatisfied in regard to the self-sacrifice issue. In regard to the God-issue, I am much more satisfied. Although Pullman does get just a tad preachy in the last few chapters, and the “Republic of Heaven” metaphor is a bit strained, the lack of a Creator fits well with my theology. According to the story, the first angel pretended to be the creator and set himself as the “Authority,” demanded to be obeyed and posed as Yahweh. We all know that god, jealous and immoral, vindictive and arbitrary. As Jung so aptly pointed out, Job revealed himself to be more ethical. The scene with the “Authority” aged and frail, sad and feeble, locked away in his crystal prison, was beautifully executed. He, like those he imprisoned in the world of the dead, is freed to spread his molecules throughout the universe. Pullman is critised over and over for "killing God" in the movie. Well first of all he doesn't kill off God but "the Authority" the God-imposter. The book leaves it open as to whether there was a creator or not. Even the angels do not know. I like that detail. For those who do believe in an after-life, it is refreshing to think that those on "the other side" may in fact be as clueless as we are about this question. I think the text will support the notion that Pullman, ultimately, showed "the Authority" more mercy than "The Authority" showed us humans. He has Lyra show empathy and pity to the aged creature. Lyra, the Liar, who becomes Lyra Silvertongue for tricking the bear who cannot be tricked, who later learns from the Harpy to tell the truth, is the one who shows pity on the Authority. And to that we must be thankful to Pullman.

Ultimately, however, I must confess to be disappointed by the third book. Pullman doesn't quite pull everything together. There are too many unanswered questions in my mind. All the talk and buildup to the necessity of Lord Asriel getting the knife in order to defeat the Authority is apparently dropped. The Authority doesn't need to be defeated because he is sterile, ineffective. The one needing to be defeated is his general Metrodon. And he is much too easily seduced by the beautiful Mrs. Coulter. She and Lord Asriel do sacrifice themselves to throw the powerful angel over the cliff into the abyss. Here is that sacrifice thing again. O.K. Perhaps that redeems them from the terribly abominable things they did to get the power they so much sought?

Going back to all the online criticism of Pullman and his work, what I don't get is that he is somehow promoting evil. We of course view the books through the eyes of Lyra and Will. Neither one is ever enthralled or taken in by Mrs. Coulter or Lord Asriel. Even though at the end, both Lyra and Will do fight on the side against the Authority, they never accept the idea that the ends justify the means. They would never go the way of Lyra's parents. The road they choose is an ethical one. They choose life, and to live it fully. They choose to refuse to put immediate pleasure and desire above the good of the community. But they have generally always chosen thusly throughout the tale. So it is certainly not a surprise to find them acting ethically at the end. And to do so without having to believe in a creator god is not so awful. After all they do have angels and witches on their side.

I have even read some online criticism of Pullman that he is somehow promoting irresponsible sexuality. This falls in the face of Will's father who refuses the overtures of a beautiful witch and ends up the target of one of her arrows because of it. Here is a guy who found himself in another world and could never return to his own, to his wife and child. A beautiful witch creature offers herself to him, no strings attached, and he refuses her. Will is impressed by this as he can return home and tell his mother that his father was never unfaithful. This is a promotion of unrestrained irresponsible sexuality? Give me a break.

And unless I am forgetting some important detail, there is no apparent creator god in the Narnia Tales either. So I really don't care if Pullman hates my beloved C.S. Lewis' work or not. Despite my criticisms of "The Amber Spyglass" he has clearly pulled off an excellent yarn. [5442]

Loss of Soul

2007-12-16T05:00:00.000-06:00

Day 90, Year 0000 NE 0615

We have lost our soul as a nation.

There is a character from the movie "Brazil" (which has nothing to do with Brazil but was inspired by the song "Aquarela do Brasil") who is a torturer. He is a normal sort of guy. He stops to pick up milk after work, etc. but his job, day in and day out, is to torture people. He has a secretary who appears to be oblivious to what he is doing in his interrogation room, but of course she knows. She actually transcribes the screams and pleas made by the person being tortured.

This character ends up torturing a friend of his (of course it is nothing personal) who became a terrorist suspect when his name was incorrectly chosen by the computer because a fly fell on the mechanism as it was reading the name. But this is a movie, a very interesting but odd one by the way, which I would highly recommend at this time as it is eerily prophetic. But people don't actually live that way, do they? Especially not in this great country of ours that believes in human rights, that follows the constitution.

So what is movie and what is today's reality? We actually have (or rather had) video tape of government officials using waterboarding (that is an euphemisms if there ever was, even George Orwell couldn't have come up with one like that, it sounds like some sort of fun surfing thing). Why was the videotape made? Was it a training tape?

"Come on new recruits, we will have a short video today to show you some of the "harsh interrogation" techniques that you may need to use from time to time. But don't worry, this suspect is really a bad guy. He isn't even a Christian. This is the only way that we can talk to people like that. Besides, it's not like we are pulling off his fingernails or anything. Ha ha ha."

I can't help but think of the people around the torturers. The support staff. The mailroom people. The ones who bring in the pizza. The ones who make the lattes. The ones who fix the computers when they go down. Read on, for I will be appealing to you folks later.

Yukio Asano was a Japanese officer who used this technique on American soldiers during World War II. We tried the guy and sentenced him to 15 years of hard labor.

The government argues that the world is different now because of terrorism. "We have to realize that thee guys show us no mercy so we cannot show them any." What?

There is a scene from an episode of the early Star Trek. Kirk is on a planet and he asks the local government to help him get some information about his missing crew. He beams into the government office to find the guy in the act of torturing someone. He asks him to stop and the government guy tells him that he is only doing what Kirk asked, trying to get information. Kirk has a fit, but cannot do anything because he has no jurisdiction and doesn't want to start a planetary war. So he says, "I will not sit here and watch you torture that guy," and he beams out.

Now Congress is really upset that the videotapes of torture were destroyed. As they should be. But please, don't focus entirely on the missing tape. So is it that important to watch it? We know that the tapes are of waterboarding. We know it is torture. So prosecute people for it, whether we have the tapes or not. Our new attorney general is of course no help. But what did Congress expect? He sat there in front of them during the hearings and said he didn't have enough information to be able to say whether waterboarding was torture or not.

When will someone in the government have the guts to do what is right? I put out an appeal to all government officials. The secretaries like the character in "Brazil." The information shufflers. The pizza deliverers. The computer IT geeks. Someone, please steal some documents and go to the press. Sneak a flash drive in and stick it in your boss's USB port and dump in some incriminating information, then upload it to a blog. Read up about Daniel Ellsberg. It is possible to find that bravery within. Daniel Ellsberg was not any more special than anyone else. He was a person who found his own inner strength and courage to do what he knew he had to do, to find his own soul. He did it at great personal risk, and our country had a chance to get its soul back then. It can happen again. It is time to act.

There is a scene from the movie "Dances with Wolves" where our hero comes across a great expanse with bodies of buffalo scattered as far as the eye can see. (This was, of course, a depiction of our government policy of systematically killing hundreds of thousands of buffalo for the express purpose of genocide of the Indigenous population). His Indigenous friend makes a comment about how those who did this could not have had a soul. That was a time when we lost our soul as a nation. We are now at another such time. What can we do to get it back? I do not know. I sincerely hope that it is still possible. [4909]

Moral Absolutes

2007-11-09T04:03:00.000-06:00

Day 53, Year 0000 NE 0410
I had a conversation recently with a few Christian ministers and learned something new. I do not know if my understanding is correct, but I think I have a new insight that I want to put out here and ask for feedback, because it seems to be important.

The problem that I have struggled with for a long time is to understand why folks on the "Christian right" have so adamantly and consistently fought against abortion, gay rights, and stem cell research, but are mostly silent on capital punishment, atrocities of war, and various governmental injustices. I just didn't make sense to me. After all, if they are against abortion because it is the killing of another human being, why aren't they equally against the invasion of Iraq or capital punishment, as both involve the intentional killing of human beings?

My error here was in thinking that those in the "Christian right" have a similar world view as mine. My arguments seem clear and reasonable from my world view. However, my world view is a particular view and is based primarily on some version or other of postmodern thinking. I do not claim to offer absolute truth or absolute values. I believe that we stand within cultural, familial and personal stories that shape our understandings of the world, and that the world itself cannot be known absent those stories. There are times that I have my doubts about this understanding as I delve more into spiritual realms. I am starting to believe that it may be possible to have a knowing about "what is" from outside of those stories or overlays, and that such a knowing may be a spiritual experience. However, even in such an instance, I do not believe that it is possible to take such insights and turn them into absolute truths for others, and somehow insist that they would apply to other humans.

My new insight is that those on the "Christian right" do not share a postmodern world view. This of course should have been obvious to be all along. It is not as if they have hidden this fact. However, one's world view tends to be invisible to oneself, and I am no exception. Even while knowing that another has different world view, I tended to present my arguments as if they shared some of my word view.

Now here is where I am on shaky ground because I an really only guessing, and I would very much love some feedback as to whether I am getting this right. Here goes: From the "Christian right" point of view, there are absolute truths and there is "right and wrong" that applies to all circumstances regardless of cultural or situational differences. This is true because these absolutes come from God, not human beings, and they cannot be changed.

This tenant is not simply one of many beliefs; it is the ground of their world view. It permeates all perceptions and understandings. What this means is that all experience must somehow or other adhere to this world view. Human experience that does not seem to fit this world view becomes basically invisible.

Once I understand this underlying story, then the answer to my earlier question becomes obvious. It is possible to say that abortion is always morally wrong. It is possible to say that stem cell research is always morally wrong. It is possible to say that sex outside of marriage is always wrong so of course homosexuality is aways wrong. Homosexual marriage must be opposed because it would challenge that in a fundamental way.

The commandment "Thou shall not kill" notwithstanding, it is much more difficult to say that it is always morally wrong to kill another human being. What about self defense? What about war? What about the state needing to punish wrongdoers? These involve adults dealing with other adults and one must get into some account of innocence and guilt, some assessment and judgment of the particularities of the situation. This is uncomfortable ground for those with a world view that attests to absolute moral values. One must search for the absolutes in the world. One finds abortion. It is easier to say that abortion is always wrong because one cannot argue that the being inside the mother has done anything wrong. Everyone must admit that this being is innocent. And of course most of those making this argument are men who will never have the experience of being pregnant.

Sexuality will of course be an uncomfortable issue to deal with from within the "moral absolutes" world view. Where can one find absolutes in this arena where there is so much variety of expression, so many cultural differences and understandings, so many powerful energies and emotions? One way is to confine it to the sacred bond of marriage and try to hold on to this as an absolute. Any sexual expression outside of this sacred bond becomes immoral. Let's not talk too much about what may be allowed within that sacred bond as that too is uncomfortable. Let's stick with what can be declared absolute. None outside of marriage. None. Declared by God. This is one absolute we can declare and hold onto.

Homosexuality by its very nature challenges this absolute in a fundamental way. If we consult with Christians who are gay, they tell us that their same sex attractions are natural and fundamental to who they are. So what does one do? In order to hold onto the absolutes, one must either call them liars, or that they have been brainwashed, or one must create some very convoluted arguments such as God is testing them to see if they can remain celibate all their lives.

From my world view this exercise seems odd and cruel. However, from the "absolutes" world view, to accept these contradictions is impossible without challenging the very fabric of their understanding of the world.

What I think is happening in this ever complex world, is that those areas where absolutes can be proclaimed are becoming narrower and narrower. In fact, they seem to be confined to areas of personal sexuality. In those areas where absolutes can still be proclaimed, one must focus ever more strongly. One must take a stand somewhere. The sacredness of the marriage bond is under attack. When I argue for the importance of a woman being abused to be able to end the marriage, the "Christian right" may admit to this but must see it as a bit rare and not to be focused on too much as it threatens the last vestige of a dying world view. To protect the world view is paramount and supersedes all else.

Rather than seeing the world as ever more complex, those from an "absolute" world view can argue that the problem is postmodern philosophy itself. Our children are not told what is right and what is wrong. There is too much focus on diversity and gray areas. We should get back to the basics. If they are allowed to think for themselves they will have no morality. If I argue the possibility of morality from a post modern perspective, this argument makes no sense. I must be fooling myself. Morality itself is defined from an absolute word view, and is claimed as belonging to that word view. My statement becomes a contradiction, a trick, a foolishness.

Now that I think that I understand these differences better, what to do with it? I do not know for sure. I suspect that this will help me to catch myself when I am making an argument that I think is so clever and obvious, but will not be, cannot be, seen as useful by someone who is coming from an "absolute morality" world view. So perhaps I will refrain from making such an argument, and instead find some common ground. We both applaud those who hold onto to their moral compass in the face of adversity. We both delight in the baby's cooing. We both enjoy the changing of the seasons and the beauty of this amazing world we share. We both stand in awe at an elderly couple who have held onto their love of each other through thick and thin. We both cry when we hear of those who have died in war. We both know something of the suffering of human beings. We both can learn to not take ourselves so seriously. We both can learn to laugh at ourselves.We both can learn to love when it is difficult to love. Perhaps we can even learn to love each other. [4564]

A Walk in the Woods

2007-10-13T14:30:00.000-05:00

Day 26, Year 0000 NE 1430

Today I took a meditative walk in the woods. There was a light mist. The temperature was just a little cool. The canopy above was enough of an umbrella to keep out all but the most stubborn of rain drops. I walked slowly. I could smell the fecund ground covered with the autumn leaves that had already fallen on the trail, and the misty air.

I walked slowly and listened for sounds. There were no automobile sounds in the distance. I could just as well be in a place devoid of humans. Just when I felt the silence, it was broken by a fussing squirrel. I looked up and saw an harassing black bird fly away. The squirrel fussed a little more and was silent. Yet there was still a sound I could barely hear. There was slight movement in the trees and the foliage underneath. It was a slight sound, hardly noticeable but for the overall silence. It was the sound of the air itself moving ever so gently.

My breathing slowed as I took it all in. I could feel my feet touching the earth as I walked. The mind tries to fill in with chatter. I was aware of this and let it go. Next the body kicks in demanding attention. There is a slight uncomfortableness in the right shoe. There is a hint of gas in the gut. My balance isn't perfect. I let it all go as well.

I stop and stand still and look around. There are tree branches lying just over there that are telling me something. The way the branches are lying is communicating some crucially important message, but my mind cannot grasp it. I walk on a little further. There is a slight incline and I realize I am climbing ever so gently up. I notice another tree branch with a totally different message, equally ungraspable. It is time for another squirrel fuss, but this time I do not see the target of the chatter. Perhaps I am the target.

I breathe deeply and allow it all to enter into me. The path turns into steps, with wood carefully placed there to aid the traveler with each step. The steps are not uniform. Sometimes I have to take a long stride for each step, other times a short one. Sometimes my feet touch the ground twice in order to complete the step. I realize that I am involved in an ascension process and I am eager to continue. I reach the top and decide to descend. This is my life. Ascending and descending. Or perhaps the descending came first and the ascending second.

Finally, I am traveling light and full of hope. [4292]

Barbara With: Imagining Einstein

2007-09-22T11:21:00.000-05:00

11:26 a.m. Day 5, Year 0000 NE.
I just have to add a postnote. I had the opportunity at the Quantum Leap to experience Barbara With. She recently published a book entitled Imagining Einstein. She is an amazing singer and she channeled Albert Einstein in Taos. I was in tears. These were tears of joy and hope for humanity. I would strongly recommend that everyone purchase her book. You can do so from her website: www.barbarawith.com. [4099]

First Entry in the New Energy

2007-09-22T10:42:00.000-05:00

Date: Day 5, year 0000 NE (New Energy) 11:20 a.m. Central Time

I was unable to post after Monday the 17th due to being so caught up in the new energy and a certain sort of exhaustion. I am back in Iowa now and will share a few things. The New Energy really has a very different feeling to it than I have been used to. We are so used to the way energy works as a sort of push and pull. Everything is based on some kind of conflict. We tend to work at doing stuff. We reach for things into our life. We feel the tension of things and we react to it. We are constantly evaluating and judging whether things are good for us or bad for us, whether this person is going to help us or hurt us, whether this potential experience will be satisfying or unsatisfying for us and for others we care about. We do not think much about this as the overlays are so strong we just see this as our reality. How else could one interact with the world?

The new energy enters in a way that literally cannot be described. It simply is. It has no polarity to it. There is no tug or pull. There is no good or bad about it. It is pure potential. So how do I know I am not imagining it? Well I guess I am imagining it. It is about opening up my imagination, expanding my self in all directions, not just in this reality but in all dimensions and in all places throughout the Multiverse.

Trust in self is all important in this new way of being. Accepting all that is without judgment. Allowing in my deep breathe that which I choose to be in my life.

We are all creators. I am God also. You are God also. It is possible to claim my divinity while staying firmly grounded without judgment in my humanity. And I do mean every aspect of this human being that is me. Every single choice I have made. All the pain I have created as well as all the joy I have created. All the times I have done things that I judge to be miserable failures. Accepting those choices with love and without that judgment. It is how I got to this day. This moment is the moment I am in. I can breathe in this moment and bring in whatever potentials I choose to bring in. I can let go of whatever I no longer choose to have in my life. If I am tired of lack, if I am as Bill Cosby said "We weren't poor; we were broke," then I can bring in abundance. I might start with noticing the abundance of air that I have to breathe, the abundance of sunshine or rain. The abundance of people around me who perhaps love me. When a judgment or doubt or obstacle makes an appearance, I can totally embrace that energy for what it is. I do not have to deny it or pretend it isn't there and try to be positive. I can accept it and feel its energy and release it whenever I so choose. Perhaps I want to dwell around in it for awhile so that I can feel its full expression. Perhaps I want to feel depressed and negative for a day or a week or a month. I can experience it fully and accept it fully until I am ready to choose to release it. Whenever I am ready to do so, it will move back into "all that is" and return to the store of potentials.

We have stuff that we have been accumulating all our lives, and I would add, all our many past lives as well. If it takes a few years to choose to release some of it, then so be it. There is no time table. And I am not responsible for releasing anyone else's stuff. I cannot do so even if I wanted to. Perhaps I can be of some assistance for those who are ready, but there is no way I can do this work for any other person on the planet. If I try, then I am allowing them to feed off of my energy and in fact I am feeding off of theirs as well. The feeding creates drama, and the energies get to move around and play and create havoc as they do so. This is all OK as well. I am choosing however to step away from the drama and to allow the new potentials to enter my life. I am beginning to choose for myself, what I want to experience, what I want to surround myself with.

This is actually very simple, so simple it sounds silly to the mind. The mind could argue that what I am saying is nonsense. My mind loves the scientific method and this sort of experience cannot be tested using the scientific method. So it cannot be proven true or false. Perhaps that is a limitation, or perhaps it is possible to discover something that is not subject to the limitations of the scientific method. I have a strong love for my family. This love is not subject to the scientific method, and yet it is a very powerful influence in my life. I know this. I feel this. I cannot prove this. The new energy of which I am speaking is perhaps like that love. But it doesn't have the charge that my love for my family has. It is without charge. It simply is and I suspect it is much more powerful than we can imagine. [4097]

Taos: Last Entry of the Old Energy

2007-09-17T23:47:00.000-05:00

9/17/07: 10:48 p.m. Mountain Time

The train has pulled into the Quantum Leap station. Twenty two chimes rang and with each chime, we let go of those issues/aspects that we chose not to carry with us into the New Energy. With each chime, we chose which aspects we will take with us into the New Energy. We are, of course, totally free to choose. Amir and Gerhard played guitar and drums and their music brought in the New Energy. We absorbed it completely into our bodies. We danced. We swayed. We felt it surging into our whole beings. From there it formed an envelope of power, and it erupted into the Universe. The New Energy is emanating from this little town of Taos, this powerfully historical town, right now. It will reach every being on this planet. It will stretch out in every dimension, through all the realms. It creates potentials for every being. These potentials are new; they never existed before anywhere in the Multiverse. The number and quality of those potentials are so great, it is limitless. We are all free to breathe deeply and to embrace any of these new potentials. Life on this planet will change. We will look back and remember that something shifted about this time. We will begin to think things, feel things, do things, experience things, that have never before been thought, felt, done, or experienced. And so it is. Welcome! [4052]

Taos Log: first entry

2007-09-17T12:55:00.000-05:00

9/16/07: 8:39 p.m. Mountain Time:

All day journey from western Iowa to Taos New Mexico. Up at 6:00 a.m., breakfast and goodbyes, drive to Omaha Nebraska and do all the stuff one does prior to getting on an airplane. Who says one person can't make a difference? It was that one dude with the explosives in his shoes that created the energy that now means every person getting on a plane in this country gets to take off his or her shoes. I actually bought a $3 Godiva chocolate bar, and it wasn't very big either, but it was very good! Fly to Dallas and then on to Albuquerque. Meet up with friend and then drive to Taos. We took the scenic route and it took us almost four hours to do it. And it was gorgeous! The mountains and the rocks and trees and colors! Lots of interesting conversation. We talked a lot about trees as we have both worked with trees and have some understandings of their energy. A couple of cell phone calls from my partner and my daughter. We arrive and the energy of the guy at the front desk was wonderful. The guests are all friendly as we are all here to celebrate the Quantum Leap. (Link)

9/17/07 12:10 p.m.
We had the morning free. I woke up around 6:30 so it was too late to call my daughter who wanted to talk to me before school, as it is an hour later in Iowa. She left six messages on my cell phone. Now that she has her own cell phone it is easier for her to call. It was drizzling this morning. Since I had a rental car I decided to drive and find a grocery store. There are mountains in the distance and the color is very hard to describe. I guess I would have to say it was a gray-blue, but the thing is, it keeps changing shade subtly as I watch it. There was one moment when I couldn’t hardly tell the boundary between the mountain and the clouds which were almost the same color, perhaps a slight shade lighter. I stopped at Walmart and got a case of water, then to a grocery store for peanut butter, fresh bread, fresh fruit, one of those salads with the little package of salad dressing inside the bag, yogurt, and a couple of Amy’s frozen dinners. Then I stopped at a Dollar Store to buy a fork, spoon and knife. There is a refrigerator and a microwave in my room. I really want to have my own food for lunches rather than spend $12 to $15. The conference is only a hundred yards from my hotel so, after my journey, I went over and registered. I was greeted by one of the organizers with a big hug and welcome. It was so delightful. While at Walmart I did buy a little bottle of finger nail polish (Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear.) The shade is Hot Magenta. Hardly subtle. I painted my fingernails and toenails as I am wearing sandals. It doesn’t match my outfit but I am a bit new at this. I had some great conversations with several people already and the first gathering is at 1:30. (4039)

9/17/07: 6:41 p.m.
Today we had a channel from Tobias spoken through Geoffrey Hoppe. He spoke of the long journey we have taken together on the “Old Energy Train” and that the train is about to move into the New Energy train station. This journey started when we first decided to come to Earth and we have all had many lifetimes together with many adventures, many joys and many sorrows. He spoke of several major shifts in the past including one during the time of Lemuria and another during the time of Atlanta. Another happened around 63 BC and of course a major one 2000 years ago when Jesua arrived. He mentioned the early 1500’s and then the late 1800’s with the Industrial Revolution. The 60’s and 70’s was a time of expansion of the mind. The last ten years or so have been the hardest in some ways, as we have pushed ourselves to be ready for the next major shift in consciousness, and now we are about to embark on an adventure that has never been done before. He told us we can wait in the train station as long as we want, or we can jump on the next train, except it isn’t going to be a train. It is being invented as we speak by all of us involved in this process. Neither he nor any of the other angelic entities know where we are going or how we are going to get there. He calls it the New Energy but hasn’t defined it simply because we are all creating it together. One cannot easily talk about something that has never before been. He assures us that he and St. Germaine and the other angelic beings who have been working with us will be coming. We will embark together on this journey and we know not where we are going and we know not how we will get there. Sounds a bit crazy, doesn’t it? It is not a journey of the mind or even of the heart. It is a journey of all of who we are, of our whole complete divine and human nature united. Yes, it may be said that I too am crazy, because I actually believe this stuff. I feel it in a very deep part of my self. I am signing up for the journey! (4050)

Gay Marriage in Iowa

2007-09-06T07:31:00.000-05:00

Being from Iowa I thought I could throw in some brief comments about this newest development. On Thursday, August 30 Judge Robert Hanson of Polk County struck down as unconstitutional Iowa's law banning gay marriage. The order was stayed the next day, but not until 20 gay couples submitted applications for marriage licenses and one couple succeeded in getting married by a Unitarian minister Rev. Mark Stringer. Hurray for the UU movement!

It seems that the only appropriate response is to smile and to wish Sean Fritz and Tim McQuillan the best. I have been married for 27 years and it is an odd thing to be committed to one person for so long. We each change and we are constantly readjusting our connection, re-learning how to love each other. So much is shifting in the energies all around us. It is such a blessing to have someone there next to me, supporting me and challenging me (even though she often challenges me when I want to be supported and supports me when I want to be challenged). I have taken for granted the special privileges that have been granted us by the state due to our marriage license. We were not married in Iowa but moved here from another state and I never gave it a thought to wonder if Iowa would honor that license.

Sean and Fritz have not had any of those perks to date. Now they are married, but they still have to wait out all kinds of court battles to see if that sticks. And even if it does, what happens if they want to move to another state?

It seems so strange to me that we are still fighting this battle. Why are people so worried? Sean and Fritz want to make a go of it. Can't we all at least have the courtesy to wish them well and to smile with them at this new beginning. If we are walking or driving and come across a wedding, doesn't a smile come to our face and/or a tear to our eye? Don't we who are not so young any more instinctively remember our youth and wish the new couple well? At least in Iowa we do. Let's not worry about the gender of the folks who are willing to make such a wonderful, exciting, difficult, crazy sort of commitment. After all, lots of straight couples are no longer willing or interested in doing so. [3957]

Informant in JFK Airport plot

2007-06-04T08:05:00.000-05:00

Anthropologists learned long ago that it is impossible to observe a culture without altering that culture, so they no longer claim to do so. The FBI however not only observes these potential terrorist cells but sends informants to infiltrate those groups. The convicted drug dealer who infiltrated these "terrorist wannabes" actually volunteered to be the one who would “pull off” the bombing and was willing to die in the action. He convinced the others in the group that he would do so. What would have happened with this group had the informant not been present? Would someone else have volunteered to be the one to die? We will never know. Perhaps they would have done nothing but complain about how awful the US government is. Perhaps they would have done something terrible. The fact is that this informant was in the group and influencing the direction of the group. It was in his best interest to have the group decide to do something terrible because then his services to the FBI would be more valuable. Perhaps some of the group members were reluctant to actually do anything violent and dangerous, and he talked them into it. It is certainly possible that he created exactly what the FBI wanted to see.

Tom Corrigan, a former member of the FBI-NYPDD Joint Terrorist Task Force is quoted as saying: "Most time when an informant tells you what is going on, speculation becomes reality." I suspect that Mr. Corrigan may not be completley aware of what he is saying here. This may be literally true. The informant creates the reality by his presence. [3315]

Finger Nail Polish

2007-04-29T21:27:00.000-05:00

One of my daughters is 12 and has recently discovered finger nail polish and fake finger nails. She has been gluing on this fingernails and then putting coats of polish on them of various colors. Unfortunately the glue comes loose sometimes and she tries (unsuccessfully) to get out of doing the dishes and various other tasks so as not to ruin her nails.

I really love fingernails that are painted. My daughter was doing my mother's nails who lives in a nursing home, and I let her do mine. It was a light shade of pink. I didn't realize that there is a bit of maintenance involved in caring for ones nails, as the polish started to scrape off unevenly. My partner told me that one has to apply extra touches to it perhaps on a daily basis in order to keep them looking nice, and re-apply the whole thing once a week.

I must confess that I think it would be worth the effort. I would like each nail to be a different color scheme. I think I would like extra flairs also, little dots of a different color, or little designs. I think I finally understand why there is a nail shop in every strip mall.

There is unfortunately a problem. As a male, this is not very well accepted in our culture. Perhaps if one were Goth, black would be accepted, but Goth is hardly well accepted either.

When I had my fingernails pink for a week, there were times I was self conscious. No one said a word, and I do not know if anyone actually noticed.

Am I a coward since I have not stepped forward into expressing myself in the way I really want to in regard to my nails? Why should I care what the dominant culture thinks, or what people in my life think? For one thing, I don't want my appearance to be an issue that might lose me money in my business. But this concern tires me. I have long hair and finally feel that it probably has added as much to my business as it might have subtracted. But painted finger nails? I do not know.

Why is it that women can wear anything they want but men have all these restrictions. No fingernail polish. No dresses or skirts. Long hair is "perhaps" fine as long as it is pulled back in a pony tail. What is it with our species? Males of other animals generally are the decorated ones. Compare the richly colored male cardinal with the very subtly colored female. To decorate oneself a male can buy a more expensive suit that actually looks very much like an inexpensive suit. One can wear a colorful tie perhaps, but who really thinks that a tie is comfortable? Or creative? Pretty old and tired design, in my mind. Why not a little flowing silk. Why does such a desire translate into cross dressing? A woman can wear a shirt and tie and we do not label her as a cross dresser.

So I am tired of these restrictions, but I also do not want to focus on this as a major political issue. I just want to decorate my finger nails. Am I making too big a deal out of this? Perhaps I ought to pull myself together and paint my nails the way I want and shut up about it. Anyone out there in blog land have any thoughts about this? [3160]

Peace

2007-04-19T14:45:00.000-05:00

Check this out: Become the Peace
We need all the help we can get at this time.
As a father, my heart goes out to all the parents of the students who have died at Virginia Tech. I do not want to say much as too many people, I believe, are rushing in to say so much. What we didn't have as a nation after 9/11 was a sufficient time for grieving. Our president rushed us into an energy of revenge and war instead. Now that there is no one apparently to put the blame on (the culprit is dead of course), perhaps, just perhaps, if people could be a litttle more quiet, we will have a time for reflection and grief. [3124]

More on Christopher Columbus

2007-03-25T21:13:00.000-05:00

I just found this story from "The Michigan Daily" newspaper on 10/6/06. The caption of the photo reads: "Engineering sophomore Mike Marcantonio stands on the steps of the Grad Library yesterday dressed as Christopher Columbus next to a woman dressed in Native American costume."

Apparently he was "captured" as part of a game called "Catch an Illegal Immigrant." However it is all a bit confusing to me as the group that organized it was a conservative group called Young Americans for Freedom. Another group called By Any Means Necessary or BAMN (a radical pro-affirmative action gorup) protested the YAF "game." [2983]

Christopher Columbus was an illegal alien!

2007-03-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

This is an amazing statement! Think about it! Then be the first on your block to send a $10 tax-deductible donation to Morning Glory Foundation and get two of these bumper stickers to put on your vehicles! [2961]

Guard Against All Evil?

2007-01-24T19:19:00.000-06:00

From Bush' State of the Union speech:

Each of us is guided by our own convictions, and to these we must stay faithful. Yet we’re all held to the same standards, and called to serve the same good purposes: to extend this nation’s prosperity; to spend the people’s money wisely; to solve problems, not leave them to future generations; to guard America against all evil; and to keep faith with those we have sent forth to defend us.

Government's job is to guard America against all evil?

I must confess that for a long time I have disliked the "Lord's Prayer." I have prayed it much in my youth. I have studied it much in my adulthood. I honestly don't find it to be a very helpful prayer. The part that puzzles me most about it is the part where we ask our heavenly faher to please not lead us into temptation but instead to deliver us from evil. Does this mean that we generally expect our god to purposely lead us into temptation? And we have to pray to him to please don't do that? And instead, to deliver us from evil?

I feel much better now that I have discovered that my government will guard me against all evil. The same government that thinks perhaps torture ought to be permitted under certain circumstances. What a relief. [2609]

New Cold War?

2007-01-19T10:30:00.000-06:00

The Chinese destroyed one of its aging satellites with an anti-ballistic missile early January 12th. Conceivably, they could now destroy all our military satellites. The White House stated that the “development and testing of such weapons is inconsistent with the spirit of cooperation that both countries aspire to in the civil space area.” The Russians and Chinese have been trying for years to get the US to agree to a ban of space weapons, but we have refused to even consider such a treaty because we wanted to be free to secretly develop a powerful laser to do the same thing. I guess, again, cooperation means let the US do whatever it wants, but the other countries must show restraint.

I guess fighting terrorism isn’t sufficient for keeping us afraid and compliant. Maybe we can fight terrorism and also have a new cold war. Wouldn’t that be fun? [2551]

Pursuit of Happyness

2007-01-12T17:16:00.000-06:00

I just saw "Pursuit of Happyness” with Will Smith and apparently his son starring as well. I must say that I was totally enthralled. It seems to be a new kind of role for Smith but one which he embraced with his total being. I don’t think he ever straightened his glasses, but it was “as if” he was frequently straightening his glasses. At the same time he was a powerful warrior. So maybe the role isn’t really that different, just a different kind of warrior. His committed loving intense relationship with his son was powerfully portrayed.

It was only after seeing the film that I realized that it was in a way a stereotype of the “rugged individualist.” He was going to go it alone without any support and without any sharing or collaboration with any other adult. It was about the survival and the thriving of the fittest.

As far as the film played, it could have been a universe where race was not an issue. Perhaps some alternate Earth universe where humans saw each other as human beings that just happened to have different skin color tones. Smith’s character could have been White or Hispanic or Asian or Indigenous in that there was no indication that his race was a factor in his relationships. Of course, he didn’t really have relationships except for his son and his quickly estranged wife. So I do not know what this means.

This is the universe that white people like myself often imagine that we live in. In a movie like "I, Robot" it is wonderful to create such a universe, and it plays well because it is a future time. We can feel good about having changed enough to where there is no prejudice due to race. But this certainly wasn't the world of the early 1980's, which is the time frame for this movie.

Going back to the "rugged individualist, survivalist" theme: He was alone in the world and fighting for his life, his happiness and that of his son. Period. That was it. There were only decisions and work, more decisions and more work. Pay the piper and eventually get your reward. When confronted with the impossible, find a way to do it, or make the best of the mistake. Keep going. Never give up. The reward will be yours if you deserve it. And I cried when he got his reward. It moved me. But what is the ultimate message of the movie for those who don’t make it? Are they flawed? Undeserving? [2504]

Spirituality as Delusion?

2006-11-14T19:57:00.001-06:00

I would refer the reader to a sermon [it's a PDF file] delivered on October 22, 2006 by Rev. Ronald Knapp, who is the Minister Emeritus of the First Unitarian Church of Omaha Nebraska. I am not nearly as well read or informed in regard to UU discourse as many of my readers, so I would inquire of my readers if there is a type of rift in UU between the “humanist/atheist group”and the “theist/spiritual group.” If so, what is the nature and history of that division? As an articulate UU minister for forty years, would Rev. Knapp be a good representative for the “humanist/atheist group”? I do not really know how these things work; I don’t know if the Midwest is sufficiently recognized within the UU community to claim this or not. I would very much appreciate any comments in regard to his arguments and my responses.

[Unfortunately I felt a need to enable comment moderation due to one blogger who insisted on making inappropriate comments, but please do not allow that to dissuade others from commenting, as I generally will be able to approve comments within a few hours of their posting.]

Knapp shares with us the question which has intrigued him for forty years in the UU ministry: “How can one articulate a religious faith that, without delusion, accepts and incorporates modern knowledge of the world and the universe?” He simplifies the question to: “How can one reconcile, without delusion, science and theology?” His answer lies in “naturalistic humanism.”

In defining naturalism, Knapp states that “the natural world is the only world we can know,” and in terms of human experience, “the only world there is.” This delegates any belief in the supernatural as delusion. We are not even allowed to attribute “moral, spiritual, or supernatural significance” to any phenomena. Any meaning of the ultimate must be found through “chance processes of nature and not the result of some cosmic intent.”

It is my view that such a restricted definition does not create the space for a reconciliation of science and theology, rather it restricts theology to that of a follower. The theologian must first examine scientific understandings, accept them as truth, and then glean what metaphoric value one can from their symmetry or their cohesiveness.

Knapp actually does a rather delightful job of just that by focusing on two areas where he is able to utilize the knowledge gained through empirical science in our pursuit of an understanding of our place in the universe: namely, evolution and scientific cosmology. He makes a persuasive case for evolution providing a backdrop for our understanding of ourselves as intrinsically connected to all other biological beings on this planet, and cosmology for understanding ourselves as being part of a universal oneness. As Carl Sagan was fond of saying, “we are made of stardust.”

However, I do not think this is sufficient on which to build a religion, even less so a spirituality.

[Sagan also said: “Personally, I would be delighted if there were a life after death, especially if it permitted me to continue to learn about this world and others, if it gave me a chance to discover how history turns out.”]

There is another kind of knowledge that is different from empirical knowledge. When Carl Jung was asked if he believed in God, his answer was something like “No, I do not believe in God; I know God.” What kind of knowing is that? It certainly is not the kind of knowledge that would meet Knapp’s restrictive definitions. I would invite the reader to think about other kinds of knowledges. For example, I know that I love my life partner. I cannot prove this empirically, but to say I only believe it, I do not know it, would not be true. I do know it. So what kind of knowledge is this?

I do concede that Knapp has a point in regard to knowledge, because without a restrictive definition anyone can claim knowledge about anything. An evangelist can claim that God told him to fight against abortion. Since this sort of claim is based on some sort of individual experience and cannot be subjected to the rigors of the scientific method, then there is no way to disclaim it. Another minister can equally claim that God told him to fight for the right to have an abortion. I can claim (which I have) that I have some knowledge about the after-life through my experiences with Dreamwalking. Such a claim, again, cannot be proven or disproven through the scientific method. It some ways, with Knapp, it might be safer to dismiss all such claims than to find a way to decide which if any ought to be considered.

This is playing it too safe and unacceptable to me. Going back to the experience I have of loving my life partner, and having knowledge that my experience is real, I can say “I know that I love her.” Of course I cannot prove this claim, and it is unnecessary to do so. Similarly, I can say, “I know that there is life after death for us humans on this planet.” This is equally unable to be proven. Or similarly, I can say “I believe there is life after death for us humans on this planet.” I can then share some of my experiences which led me to this belief, or to this knowledge. Others do not have to accept this or believe it. It will not necessarily fit another’s experiences or ways of being in the world. In fact, I have shared these experiences with many in my Unitarian Universalist congregation. Some are intrigued, some are interested, and some have similar beliefs or knowledges. Others find my experiences to be quite foreign and implausible.

To date, no members of my community have told me that I was delusional. I of course do not know if some may think that, and if they do, that is really O.K. I think, however that few actually see me as delusional because they trust me. I have shown myself to be trustworthy for the most part among a group of people for 16 years. Most have developed some respect for me as a person with integrity.

I mention this as another possible way for us humans to discern different knowledge claims of people. Do I have any reason to trust that person? There is a great scene in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S.Lewis) where the youngest has claimed to have walked through the wardrobe into another world called Narnia, and that her brother saw it also. The older skeptical siblings go to the professor for advice. He asks them if their experience has been that their younger sister was the more reliable and trustworthy, or if their brother was. They immediately reply that it is the sister every time. The professor then suggests that they ought to listen to her. His logic tells him that it is much more unlikely that their sister would be lying than that there be such a wardrobe.

So, considering whether the person making a claim is trustworthy is one way of offering some ability to discern. The second and I think more important method is to hold the information in one’s heart and decide whether it resonates there or not. It is possible, I think, to develop the capacity to make distinctions though this heart examination method. Many find it extremely helpful in many areas of life.

Knapp begins and ends his sermon with a poem from Whitman where the full-grown poet stands between Nature and the Soul of man. What then is this "soul of man" and is it even permissable under Knapp's restrictive definitions? Perhaps Knapp is giving Whitman the benefit of the doubt or allowing a certain poetic license, that this "soul" is merely metaphoric? Or perhaps it is OK to surpass limitations imposed by naturalistic humanism once in a while? [2087]

Power Corrupts

2006-10-22T20:36:00.000-05:00

Peacebang just posted an article posing a link between the penetration of a child’s mind in the form of catechisms and doctrines and the violation of a child’s body in the form of child abuse. She states:

“I am beginning to see a correlation between violating a child's private inner life in the form of catechisms and doctrines that permit no freedom to privately discern important existential truths, and the tacit institutional permission to similarly violate the privacy of the child's body. I'm not trying to be a theologian here, just an angry woman who would like children to be able to come of age unmolested by adults.

If it's part of the Catholic tradition to penetrate children's minds at a young age and demolish their privacy regarding theological reflection and decision-making, can it really be so shocking that penetration and violation of the privacy of their bodies is not far behind?

We must protect children's freedom of religious imagination just as surely as we protect them from physical molesters and exploiters. They are two pieces of the same cloth.”

I have read and spoke to many people about the issues of sexual child abuse by priests and this is the first time I have read or heard of this correlation.

I grew up in a strongly Catholic family and a strongly Catholic community. Much of my sense of self was shaped by those experiences. I was taught by Dominican sisters who were intellectually stimulating and challenging. I asked many questions and although I felt the answer “It is a mystery” was an intellectual cop-out especially when it was given over and over again, I had no doubt as to the sincerity of the vast majority of my teachers and priests. The pastor of our church was an immigrant from Ireland and he clearly held the parish in the palm of his hand. He had enormous power, not only in his parish and in the larger Catholic community, but in the town as well.

Looking back, I can only say that he must have been an inherently good man as I believe our particular parish escaped the abuse that some other parishes experienced. Until Peace Bang’s comments, I felt that was it. Absolute power has the potential to corrupt absolutely but that is not inevitable. There can be such a thing as a benevolent monarch. Of course I still have terrible problems with hierarchy as a form of community organization, because the benevolence of monarchs tends to be the exception rather than the rule, and this is one of the important issues that in the end helped me to extricate myself from Catholic practice.

As I reflect on Peace Bang’s point, however, I discover that intellectually I was free to explore as a child growing up in that community. However, there was an area where I did not feel free to explore. It is difficult to put into words. In one sense it was the area of doctrine, but that doesn’t really explain it. I could for example, intellectually consider the possibility that Mary was not a virgin, but what I could not do was allow myself to BELIEVE that she wasn’t a virgin. To explore with the brain was alright. To change my belief was not. Where does this “belief” reside? I do not know. Perhaps in the heart. So the penetration that Peace Bang speaks of, for me, was not in my mind alone, but in my heart, or perhaps in my mind/heart.

It turns out that it was my mind that helped me to extricate myself from that tyranny. I discovered science fiction as an adolescent. I was able to explore not only thoughts but also emotions through the created worlds of Isaac Asimov and his generation of SF writers. As I worked my way through various worlds and considered various possibilities, I was able to free myself from the power of doctrine. If RPG (role play games) had been available then, they would have probably served as well or better.

In conclusion, I must agree with Peace Bang's correlation. The penetration of doctrine into my mind and heart was a violation of my integrity. This violation was real and powerful and I do think that if one gets used to such a thing and justifies it to oneself, then to claim the privlege of violating the body is not such a stretch. This is perhaps similar to some of the practices of "brainwashing" done on Al Quida recruits or done in "boot camp" to our vulnerable sons and daughters enticed by scholarships and bonuses, or done by terroists holding hostages. [1863]

Spending Time with Children

2006-10-18T08:49:00.000-05:00

I just read an article in the NY Times where researchers have concluded that in fact both married and single parents are spending more time with their children than they did 40 years ago. Married men are spending more than twice as much time with their kids. Where is the time coming from? Less housework, although men are spending more time on housework than they used to, and less time with the spouse.

It is always intriguing to me when research discovers something that does not fit in with the "generally accepted belief," in this case, the belief being that parents are too busy these days to spend time with their kids and the kids are suffering. I have four kids, three teenagers and one 12. Believe me, my kids often do not want to spend time with me, unless it is driving them where they want to go.

Will this new research be quoted often and cause a change in understanding about what is going on in our culture? I doubt it.

Why is it easier to believe that parents are spending less time with their kids than that they are spending more time with their kids? Anybody out there have any ideas as to what is going on here? [1823]

Taking Responsibility?

2006-10-06T14:06:00.000-05:00

O.K. J. Dennis Hastert, Republican House speaker says “the buck stops here” and accepts responsibility for the Mark Foley scandal. Then he says that he did nothing wrong and will not step down. So WHAT DOES TAKING RESPONSIBILITY MEAN? Apparently it means nothing, because he accepts no consequences. If my teenage son comes home late I may ground him for a week. Can he just say, “Hey dad, I accept full responsibility for being late,” and then NOT ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES? I don’t think so! Sorry for shouting, but it seems that words no longer have any meaning in the public arena. So Mr. Hastert, please explain to the American people what "taking responsibility" means. [1721]

Violence in Our Schools

2006-09-30T10:38:00.000-05:00

[Anthony Price, the principal of Everman Middle School in Texas, reinstated corporal punishment last year. “It’s had a huge effect,” he said.]

This image is from an article in the NY Times by Rick Lyman, published September 30, 2006.

I quote from the article: "The most recent federal statistics show that during the 2002-3 school year, more than 300,000 American schoolchildren were disciplined with corporal punishment, usually one or more blows with a thick wooden paddle. Sometimes holes were cut in the paddle to make the beating more painful. Of those students, 70 percent were in five Southern states: Texas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama and Arkansas."

"Among adherents of the practice is James C. Dobson, the child psychologist who founded Focus on the Family and is widely regarded as one of the nation’s most influential evangelical leaders. DuBose Ravenel, a North Carolina pediatrician who is the in-house expert on the subject for Mr. Dobson’s group, said, 'I believe the whole country would be better off if corporal punishment was allowed in schools by parents who wish it.'"

Did the NY Times create a wormhole that sent me into an alternate universe?

I confess I was shocked. I guess I live a more sheltered life than I realized. But then again, I guess it shouldn't surprise me when our "leaders" have just passed a law giving the President the power to torture other human beings. Why should I make a big deal about beating our children?

May God have mercy on our souls! [1671]

Fear, Terror and V

2006-09-28T17:27:00.000-05:00

[WARNING: Spoiler for "V for Vendetta"]

There is a scene in the movie “V for Vendetta” when Evey (played by Natalie Portman) is facing her own death by firing squad. Her guard says in a soft voice something like “All they want is a little bit of information. Just give then something.” She responds: “Thank you, but I'd rather die behind the chemical sheds.” She says it in a calm way, not upset, simply stating the truth. The guard says, “You no longer have fear. You are now totally free.” He walks away, with the prison door open.

[WARNING: REALLY BIG SPOILER]

The guard did not work for the government but was V himself, and he tortured Evey as a way to set her free. When Evey realized it was V who had done this, she of course became enraged. V however tells her that her experience of freedom cannot be altered by the fact that he was the torturer. He invites her to recapture the feeling she had a few minutes before. She takes a deep breath and returns to the moment of freedom. She spreads her arms in the rain and feels the freedom.

When she lost all fear, she became free. This had been his experience as well, after surviving the genetic experiments he was subjected to at St. Mary’s. What he did with his new-found freedom was to plan and execute a detailed and ingenious plan to create a revolution. In the process he not only tortured the woman he had learned to love, he also murdered countless people. He was defined as a terrorist. He stated: “People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.” He was willing to create havoc and uncountable suffering in order to unmask the terror of the government. He wore a mask, yet he was in the unmasking business. In efffect, he was “anti-terror” or “anti-fear.”

Since it is a movie, and a surreal one at that, it is not difficult to see these images and interpret them as metaphors. I can experience the movie as I might a dream, seeing it as symbolic of something internal within me, within us human beings. It of course comes down to the issue of fear. It is interesting to me that Bush doesn’t talk about terrorism; instead he talks about terror. I speak the obvious here, but what is terror except extreme fear? Our government is in the business of fear. Since 9/11, Bush has been systematically promoting fear, exploiting fear, creating it where it isn’t evident, cajoling it, molding it to serve his purposes. He wants us to be afraid, deathly afraid, deathly terrorized by terror. He is in effect turning FDR’s statement on its head. He is saying we only have fear to fear. We must fear fear or we are cowards. And we must fight fear with guns and bombs. This is so strange.

I have had a recent experience which I have found to be real and meaningful to me. During this experience, I discovered that it is possible to be without fear even when surrounded by others who are afraid. When I am without fear, I am a powerful being. [1630]

Experience vs. Experiment

2006-09-27T15:03:00.000-05:00

I often struggle with how to share in words the connection between this realm and the others without being immediately dismissed. I can be immediately dismissed by the naturalists who will tell me that there is no reason to believe in any “realm” except this one, this solid, dense world we live in, the plant Earth. I can also be quickly dismissed by the religious folks who have very dearly held beliefs about the way those other realms are structured. When I start talking about my experiences in those realms, they will compare my ideas with their carefully developed beliefs, and end up uncomfortable enough to easily condemn me, or more disturbingly, design to change my mind.

How to create a space for a discussion of this? I have made some feeble attempts in this blog, and I will continue to take stabs at it.

The scientist in me is very uncomfortable with the language of feelings and intuition, because there is no way to subject it to any kind of validation process. Anyone can claim anything by saying “it is a feeling I have.” And yet, these feelings, these intuitions have always played a very important role in the scientific process. Yet, it isn’t the feeling that the scientist asks us to accept; rather, we are asked to accept the data that came from the experiment that was inspired by the feeling.

I do think that there is a similar process that can take place in the “world of the spirit” but I do not think this process has been clarified yet. In many Christian traditions, there is a process called discernment that perhaps begins to approach this. If a religious leader proclaims that God has told him that a certain head of government needs to be assassinated, it is up to each person listening to that statement to discern whether such a proclamation comes form God or not. If I say, “I have traveled to the Near Earth Realms and have discovered that there are discarnate beings there who want to feed off of those who have recently died,” those who hear or read these words have a responsibility to discern whether such a statement has any meaning to them. However, it is also my responsibility to discern within myself whether such an experience was real or not. Even if I go through a discernment process and decide that my experience is real, is it reasonable for others to trust my discernment? I suspect not.

What may make sense is an invitation to others to go through a process whereby they too can have direct spiritual experiences.

I can learn to say, “I have had a certain experience which I have found to be real and meaningful to me. During this experience, I discovered this or that.”

Perhaps I will try that in my next post. [1618]

Breathe in the New Energy

2006-09-11T22:23:00.000-05:00

We are so used to old energy. It is a kind of energy that is intrinsically filled with polarity. It is a kind of energy that knows how to resist. It pulls and pushes. It has a kind of wave function, back and forth. Think of politics; there is the pendulum effect. First we flow to the right, then the left. Whenever there is an intensity in one direction, sooner or later there will be an intensity in the opposite direction. Think of the baby boomers who were full of freedom: sex and drugs and rock and roll. And now we have programs in school teaching our children the evils of drugs. We are fundamentally irreverent, and we breed its opposite: religious fundamentalism. And so it goes. We are so used to this that we can barely imagine anything different.

Well, there is a New Energy that has entered this fine Earth. It is an energy that is absent polarity. It has no back and forth motion. It has no motion at all. It simply is. It does not flow in; it is here. It is wherever we are because it is creator energy and we are fundamentally creators. We can access it right now, in this moment. It contains no karma or karmic residue. It is here. Can you feel it?

It is contained in each and every conscious breath.

Breathe it in, deep into you. Your life will never be the same. [1533]

Lake Tahoe

2006-09-07T23:31:00.000-05:00

I am so blessed to be here. I am so used to living in a kind of horizonal world. The great plains spead out. The landscape goes outward in a horizonal direction. The vertical is not too evident except when near the river and there are hills. There are bluffs by the river as well, which certainly intoduces the vertical. But here in Tahoe the trees are maybe 200 or 300 feet high. There are hills and valleys everywhere. It is as if my whole world has been turned on its side and the energy of direction has shifted.

The Five Brothers

2006-09-07T10:17:00.000-05:00

Lake Tahoe:
Once upon a time there were five brothers. They loved to run and play, here and there. They were powerful dudes, and it was a really far away time when they played. When they were really young and when they created something in the sandbox, later they saw that their creations appeared somewhere else. For example, if they each created a strange monster, the next day, they would walk around the neighborhood and find each of their creations in someone’s yard as a little statue. At first the statues only partially resembled their sandbox creations, but as they practiced they were able to create more and more details. They later graduated to clay, and eventually they used the air herself to mold and create in. One of the games they dearly loved was to put a detail so small in their creations that was really difficult to see, then they would challenge each other to find the statue (it wasn’t always in the neighborhood) and then to discover the tiny detail in the statue. As they played they also learned to travel by some methods that we would not be familiar with today. In fact it could be said that the universe was not structured the same way then as it is now.

It used to be said that these brothers were always to be found together, playing and generating mischief. However even as babies, they were each very different. Some of their first adventures were lived together, like the sandbox creations and they loved to challenge each other in order to finely tune their skills and abilities. However, they grew bored rather quickly. Each brother was especially good at one thing and could easily beat the other at that one thing, so it got to where that one came to be excluded from games involving that thing. For example Hablotqd was really good with plants and if the game involved growing the tallest possible plant, Hablotqd would invariably win, so the other brothers either refused to play that game, or they would wait until Hablotqd was not around to play it, so they could improve their skills. This was also true for Blinjvyr who was good with rocks, Vgnywtos who was good with things related to the air, Titvuld who could do anything imaginable with water, and Verblak who could transform things using fire. As you could imagine, each would go off and develop his special skills and be gone for long periods away from his brothers. They always got together however, once a year (although there really wasn’t anything such as a year back then) and catch up with each other’s adventures.

One year Verblak didn’t show up for their yearly festival. His brothers were a bit upset and set off to look for him. When they found him they confronted him about his absence and he laughed at them. He told them that his creations and his time schedule were his own business, and that they had no right interfering, or even questioning him and his work. After that things were different and although the other brothers had a few more festivals, their passion wasn’t in it, and eventually they didn’t show up either, even though their creations would continue to meet and pretend like they were present. The brothers lost touch with each other for eons of time. Eventually they got so far from each other that it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that they operated in completely different dimensional realities.

Then one day something happened in the Multiverse that brought all five brothers together. There are many stories claiming credit to one brother or another for this event, but it could never be proven that any of them had any initial contribution to the idea. But they were each attracted to this unique place and time because each knew that in this new energy, the possibilities of creation were surpassed by anything in their experience before.

When they arrived they hardly could recognize each other as each had changed so much. There was a bit of tension among them. The ice was broken by Hablotqd who challenged his brothers to a test of strength and ability. All readily accepted, but there were others there who could not be ignored and these others were powerful as well. They set certain specific parameters in this new energy and told the brothers they must agree to these parameters or they would not be willing to play. At first they protested and showed their power, but it was to no avail. They had been gone very long, and they didn’t realize that the others had grown more powerful in cooperation and they couldn’t ignore them. The others explained the reasons for the parameters and the brothers slowly came to realize that these parameters would create the conditions whereby their own powers and skills could be tested all at the same time and place, and perhaps they would be able to decide who the best among them was. They were not used to working with others, but they decided to accept the parameters and joined the group to work together in a new project never attempted before.

And they all walked together among the new energies, creating together. And slowly the Earth took its shape and form.

To be continued . . .

I am a Cultural Catholic

2006-08-30T15:26:00.000-05:00

I invite all you folks out there who grew up in the Catholic faith and are no longer "practicing Catholics" to begin to call yourselves Cultural Catholics. We grew up in a significant sub-culture in these United States. There were wonderful things and awful things about that cultural and religious experience. If I no longer adhere to the dogma, if I no longer embrace the theology, I still am daily and minutely influenced, positively and negatively, by its culture. Many folks say "I am a recovering Catholic." When I first heard that term a decade or so ago, I thought it was cute, and I used it myself a couple of times. But I was uncomfortable with it, and stopped using it. It renders invisible all the powerfully influential and beautiful aspects of what it meant to grow up in that environment. Cultural Catholic on the other hand acknowledges the possibility of gleaning value and meaning from those experiences.

Who or what is God and what does it mean to worship her?

2006-08-30T13:51:00.000-05:00

I am a little inspired by an excellent discussion on Peace Bang's blog so I thought I would type in a few thoughts. I really think that we in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim world are a bit too preoccupied with the notion of belief and worship of some kind of Supreme Being. For a good Buddhist, the question has little importance. Yes, he or she may or may not have a belief that there is a god-realm, but it is no great desire to become one or to worship those who are in that realm, due to the fact that they are a bit stuck and actually have a much more difficult time achieving enlightenment than a human being. In fact, to have been born into a life as a precious human being presents by far the best chance to reach enlightenment. So from that standpoint, “human potential” is something to be incredibly thankful for. I would not suggest that one worship “human potential” but to be a little in awe of it may be appropriate.

But I do not pretend to be a Buddhist.

If one were to interview the "average person" if there were such a thing, in the United States, about his or her religious beliefs, he or she would say something like "Well, I do believe in God of course." If this person did not have a strong religious affiliation, he or she might also say something like, “Well all religions believe in the same God."

So somehow "belief in God" has become synonymous with being religious. A friend pointed out to me that if that is the main criteria then Satan would be one of the most religious beings.

I am not suggesting that believing and worshipping are the same thing, but I must confess I really don’t understand what worship really is. I suspect it has something to do with “standing before in awe” or “acknowledging superiority of,” neither of which has a great deal of meaning for me. Perhaps I worship trees. I do stand before them, the great ‘standing people,” in awe often. Trees have inspired me for a long time as long as I have a need for “groundedness,” for they sure got that one covered. They just stand there, and stand there. Talk about patience.

Do I believe in God? I cannot answer unless I know what is meant by God. When Carl Jung was asked the question he answered, “No, I do not believe in God. I know there is God” or something like that. (Which would probably be Satan’s response as well). By the way, Jung also said he was so happy that he was Carl Jung so he wouldn’t have to decide whether to be a Jungian or not. I tend to think that Jesus was also glad he was Jesus so he wouldn’t have to decide whether to be a Christian or not.

I do believe that there is a power greater than myself, but that I share in that power. I actually believe that I am a spark of that power, that Oneness. I am God also. You are God also. I am interested in enlightenment, of awakening from this dream, from these many-layered illusions. I am interested in claiming my sovereignty as the creator of my life. I am interested in living this life I chose, fully and intimately, even though it is a dream. If I wake up, then it isn’t a dream anymore. I am interested in choosing each moment to be alive, and to experience this incredible miracle of spirit living in biology.

So how does this have anything to do with a Unitarian Universalist worship service? I guess I have no clue really. It may have nothing to do with it. I go to a Unitarian Universalist church every Sunday in order to experience the entity that is that church. There are moments when I can actually feel that entity. Yes it is made up of all the members and friends of the church. But it is more than that. I am a cultural Catholic and growing up I learned that the Church is the “body of Christ.” Well the church I go to has a “body” in a sense. There is an actual entity that exists separate from all of us who attend. Well, not exactly separate from us, but in a strange sense, independent of us. We created it. No, we are constantly creating it and re-creating it. My presence contributes to that creation and re-creation. That is why I go to church. I want to be with that entity, to have social intercourse with it.

choices for my life

2006-07-19T13:16:00.000-05:00

Well I must say good things about my new chiropractor. She is doing things with me that no one has ever done before. I appreciate her intense focus and commitment to her work. I expect to have a straight spine in a few months. I am already out of pain, and this is such a blessing. I have more empathy for those in chronic pain. I take so many things for granted when I am feeling alright.

My days are so filled by life. I always have two or three projects that I don't have time to get to, so I am learning to pace myself.

Well, I am writing again, but there seems to be little to say. In a way it seems that it has all been said in so many ways, often by more eloquent folks than myself. It used to be that I had four or five blog entries in my mind and when I found the time to sit down and type, stuff flowed out easily. Now this is not true. I suspect that part of it is that I have been working to clear the landscape of my life of all the lies and all those things that I didn't consciously choose for myself, and what is left is a lot of debris and a kind of dry parched land. I have begun planting some few things there, things I am clear about choosing for my life.

I choose to do new energy work. I choose loving kindness. I choose to have a strong, flexible straight spine. I choose to be aware of my sovereignty. I choose abundance.

As these choices take root, my life will take shape. My mind will follow as it is needed to think about stuff. My heart is already there.

Integration of Realms

2006-07-12T14:30:00.000-05:00

Back problems again. I found a new chiropractor who did a thorough examination of me. She handled the X-ray machine like a finely tuned instrument, having me open my mouth for the biggest shot, full length. Long interview. She kept asking "Is there anything else about you that I neeed to know?" Then she showed me the X-rays where she had drawn lines to show where I was crooked. Crooked little old man, bent this way and that all the way up my spine. She told me she would meet me again and tell me whether she would be able to help me or not. I met with her again and she did some adjustments, using muscle testing and all kinds of things, and told me she would would be able to help me. After the adjustments I definitely felt better, less pain, but she is determined to go for long term change, to get my spine to line up straight. I have lots of hope. I am seeing this three dimensional world lining up with the other more etheric realms working together. Yes, I have been doing some work in gettign in touch with the old issues that have gotten caught in my first chakra, at the base of my spine, but I am also needing a strong committment from a skilled person in this 3D realm. I feel my chiropractor's intense focus and determination. I can trust that.

More to Come

2006-06-11T09:53:00.000-05:00

Hafidha asked where I was. Thanks for missing me. I've been intending to post another entry. I have been exceptionally busy in my life, but there have been other times when I was just as busy and I still posted. I am not sure, perhaps I have gotten a bit bogged down (pun intended) by the blog world. It seems that it is mostly "in the head" and I have been consciously breathing and centering myself much more in the heart. And then to post an entry becomes more difficult. I haven't been reading blogs much either for the same reason. It all, even the good stuff, sounds like yada, yada, yada to me. Maybe it has to do with being in the liminal space. Don't give up on me yet as I am sure I will start posting again. Blessings.

Liminal Space

2006-04-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

Carl Jung talked about the betwixt and between place, the limen, or boundary from one place to another. To be in liminal space is to not be here or there, but somewhere in between, on the doorway, on the threshold. Being in liminal space provides the opportunity to re-create oneself. I can become that which I have never yet been. I can walk through the doorway and be a new being on the other side. I can re-form my identity. When standing in the doorway, my substance, my story becomes fuzzy and indistinct. It will re-form itself as I walk through the door.

I have been in liminal space the last few days. This is one of the reasons for my fall. As a multi-dimensional being, I can of course travel hither and thither, and stay here at the same time. Until I complete my re-formation into a new being, I guess I can expect things to get a bit weird and unpredictable.

I am truly blessed because most of the time folks don't get to be in liminal space unless they are thrown into it by a tragedy of some kind, a death of a loved one, losing something like a job or a relationship, a terminal illness, etc. To be in liminal space and to be at least partially conscious of it is truly a wonderful gift. Thank you spirit.

Falling Down

2006-04-09T21:23:00.000-05:00

I went for a walk tonight with my daughter. It is a beautiful night, probably 60 degrees F, and delightful. I am only one block from our home when suddenly, I twist my right ankle and lose my balance. I try to regain my balance and cannot. I fall flat on my face. My daughter starts screaming. For a second I think that I broke a tooth. I am bleeding. A neighbor lady comes running asking if I am O.K. My daughter says, "I'll run home and get mom." I tell her no, I'll be O.K. I pull myself up and the neighbor lady brings me paper towels to absorb the blood and one with ice in it. I am grateful and I sit on the step tending to myself, trying to reasure my daughter. The lady offers to drive me home, but I am clear that I can easily walk and we do.

So amazing these bodies, and yet so fragile as well. I just realized this moment that I had absolutely no anger. In the past if something like this happened I would instantly be angry: at the circumstances, at myself for being clumsy. Such anger seems so strange and foreign to me now. I realize, like the Buddhists, that death is always on my shoulder. I could have hit my head and left just like that.

I choose to stay. I have lots of work and fun to do.

Blessings to all.

What Happens After We die? Part Two: Q & A

2006-04-05T11:05:00.000-05:00

Q: Do your illustrations (in Part One) accurately depict the after death process for everyone?

A: The experience will certainly be unique to each individual. One’s belief systems play a very important part in determining what kind of experience one will have. For example, if a person strongly believes that he or she must wait quietly in the coffin for the second coming of Christ, then that individual may in fact find herself in such a coffin waiting. Those who die suddenly or violently may have a more difficult time and may not even be aware that they are dead. They may actually spend a long time hanging around people and places they were used to, and may not even enter the near Earth realms. Those who commit suicide as a desperate act may be so caught up in intensely disturbing emotions that they may carry those emotions into the near Earth realms and re-create the experience there, getting stuck in suffering and misery in a kind of self made hell. (A good example of this on the silver screen is “What Dreams May Come.”) Those who are absolutely convinced that there is nothing after death may find themselves in a kind of nothingness. After a time, they will probably become aware that they are in nothingness, which means they are somewhere, and then they will awaken to the possibilities of the near Earth realms.

Q: What is beyond the near Earth realms, how many folks make it there, and how does one get there?
A: There is another door which leads to the Crystalline Realms, and then another door leading to the Bridge of Flowers which goes to the higher angelic realms. St. Germaine says that about 20% of folks make it there. There are a number of ways to get there, and there are many angelic beings ready to assist anyone who is interested in moving on. However, most of us have spent so many lifetimes on Earth that we have gotten a bit stuck in biology, and we are having a difficult time going to our “true home” in the higher angelic realms. There is no judgment about this, and no timetable we must follow. We are all very powerful angelic beings and have total freedom to express ourselves in whatever way we wish to do so. Buddhist monks will dedicate their entire lives to practicing how to move through the near Earth realms (they call them bardos) and move beyond. When they talk about their spiritual practice, it is ultimately “practice for dying.” The good news is that it is actually much easier to work through all our unresolved issues, fears, angers, resentments, etc. while still alive than it is after we die. It is also my sense that this work is easier now than it has ever been. This is because more and more people have done and are doing this work and evolving into humans with a higher vibration. The reality of these forerunners somehow makes it easier for the rest of us to follow.

Q: What is a Dreamwalker?
A: A Dreamwalker is a human being who contracts with a dying person to be a guide for them through the other realms after death.

Q: How can such a thing be?
A: The Dreamwalker, if possible, spends time with the dying person prior to death, connecting their energies. After the person’s death, the Dreamwalker Guide stays linked to that person’s spirit. The Dreamwalker Guide will stay with the person as he or she gets used to being dead, goes through the experience of the light and the life review, goes to his or her funeral, etc. Then the Dreamwalker Guide will lead the way on a special path through the other realms. The Dreamwalker Guide knows the path to the Crystalline Realm and through that beautiful realm to the Bridge of Flowers. The Dreamwalker Guide is not there to advise or instruct the client, or to in any way try to persuade the client to follow a particular path. The client is recognized and honored as the powerful angelic being she or he is, and the absolute freedom that such a being has. The client can travel and experiment in many ways through the near Earth realms. The Dreamwalker Guide simply stays connected to the client and stands on the path, moving forward with the client as she or he desires. The dreamwalk goes on twenty four hours a day, but the Dreamwalker Guide still ahs to tend to his or her life and other responsibilities. Consequently the Dreamwalker Guide commits to spending an hour a day in intense connection with the client. At other times, much may actually go on outside the Dreamwalker Guide’s conscious awareness, but when the hour intense time comes around again, the Guide’s consciousness will catch up to what is going on.

Q: What happens if the client decides to stay and play in the near Earth realms and doesn’t want to go on to the other realms?
A: Of course the client is free to so choose, and the Dreamwalker Guide would simply end the dreamwalk once he or she was certain that this was the case. Typically the Dreamwalker Guide will go two or three additional days after feeling the dis-connection prior to terminating the dreamwalk, just to be sure.

Q: What about different religious and spiritual beliefs? Does one have to believe in reincarnation for example in order to contract with a Dreamwalker Guide prior to death?
A: There is no requirement to believe in reincarnation, or Jesus, or God, or Buddha, or Allah, or even an afterlife. Of course one’s beliefs have an impact on what one experiences after death, but the Dreamwalker Guide has no judgment or agenda in regard to religion or spiritual beliefs or practices. He or she is simply there as a guide to stay connected to the client and to show them the path to the higher realms if they are interested in traveling such a road.

Q: How can I learn more about Dreamwalking?
A: There is a special Dreamwalking school which is part of the Crimson Circle group. They sponsor another website more specifically about Dreamwalking at www.dreamwalker.cc.

What Happens After We Die? -- Part One

2006-04-04T22:26:00.000-05:00

[I have been strongly influenced by information presented by Geoffrey Hoppe as channeled by St. Germaine and Tobias. See crimson circle.]

Well stuff actually starts happening before we die. There is a point when we go through a door. This marks the beginning of the letting go of our spirit from our body. Those who have spent time with the dying know what I am talking about. The body ceases to function the way it is supposed to, partly because the spirit has already taken the first steps of letting go. The spirit then spends some time here in this realm and a lot of time in the non-physical near earth realms. She visits places she used to go to in dreams. He travels into time warps to re-visit past events that remain important. She comes back to re-connect with family and friends, but it isn't the same. It is either more intense or much less intense. There is a beginning of a sort of un-involvement in things that used to hold much interest. He has one foot in this reality and another in a multitude of realities and realms. Then slowly the foot still in this reality slips away. And there is an abrupt ending of it. The spirit is free of the body. The second door has been opened and the person walks through it.

This is an eventful experience. The person may in fact experience a bright light and perhaps a tunnel. There is a sense of relief as the weight of the body and all the pain and tediousness falls away. The spirit flies high and easily. She can see all the angels and guides and other beings who had been walking with her throughout life. Some may be images of loved ones she had hoped to meet again. There is a very pleasant moment of recognition and a sense of lightness and freedom. There is a life review as he remembers many details of his life and sees them from very new perspective. He may think he is in heaven and look around to meet his God.

This experience ends as she realizes she is actually rather alone. There is no judgment, but neither is there any "scooping up." God does not seem to be around, and all her guides and angels may or may not be there. He tries to ask many questions but the answers do not come, or he cannot quite comprehend them.

She starts to think about those she left behind, and finds herself near them, wherever they may be. There may be confusion and fear creeping in at this time. He cannot exactly read the thoughts of those he loves, but he can sense what they are feeling and thinking. She gets angry or worried. He gets confused at what he perceives, as he discovers what people really think about him.

Funeral time! She wanders around and is surprised by those who came and those who didn't. He listens intently to the eulogy and tries to correct the minister. Of course no one notices him and he starts to feel very odd. Some unresolved feelings rush in and she becomes frightened. He tries to get away and finds that it is easy to go somewhere else. She discovers that she can do things she never thought possible, fly here and there, create images kind of like dreaming, but much more vivid. He starts to get a glimmer of other beings around and becomes even more confused.

The dead person reaches a critical point. Having just started to get used to being alone, she discovers that perhaps she isn't alone. She is then drawn somewhere based on intense feelings of fear or anger or confusion.

He enters the near-Earth realms fully, separating himself from Earth and all those left behind. Now she is vulnerable. Literally anything can happen.

Forget the idea that things will just be fine after we die. THE ONLY THING WE LEAVE BEHIND IS OUR BODY. Everything else we take with us. This includes all or fears and insecurities, all our unresolved issues and grudges, as well as all our joys and memories, all our sorrows and pains (with the exception of physical pains). Each of these intense emotions are broadcast throughout all the near Earth realms, and those other discarnate beings who reside there will be drawn to whatever emotions they are stuck with. And the harassment will begin. She will be given offers of sex, wealth, beauty, food, power. He will discover that he can create stuff by thinking it, and it will be as real as life itself was real.

There will be beings who try to help, and he may be able to see some of them, but his intense emotions will make them difficult to see, and may make them appear indistinct and a bit unreal. On the other hand, the discarnate beings who have intense emotions similar to his will appear as vivid and clear.

There are bands of fundamentalist Christians who will tell her that they know the way to heaven and she only needs to join their group and very soon they will find paradise and their beloved Jesus. He may come across folks with big houses or acres of land. Whatever she is thinking and feeling will manifest itself around her. He may explore avenues that he wanted to experience in life but was too afraid to venture into. Alternatively, she might find loneliness and sorrow. He could find himself in a big hole and no way to dig out of it. Anything and everything is possible. There is nothing we can dream or imagine that is not manifest somewhere in these near-Earth realms.

The intensity may become so huge that she frantically looks for an opportunity to return to Earth. He may almost immediately be drawn into a new incarnation.

She may find something interesting to hold her interest, and explore this aspect of herself. He may find one or two helpers who he can see clearly enough to be drawn to. As he gets closer to their vibration, he will see them even more clearly, and he may decide to learn something new from the teacher. She may find a loved one who will explain some of how things operate in this place. He may decide to relax and explore his own feelings and issues.

Or they may get lost in some corner or some spiral of intensity or ritual.

Reflections About Reincarnation

2006-02-13T21:33:00.000-06:00

I want to start off with an excerpt from an NPR interview of Kurt Vonnegut in a series called The Long View” on Morning Edition. This was broadcast on 1/23/06:

Where you can see tribal behavior now is in this business about teaching evolution in a science class and Intelligent Design. The scientists themselves are behaving tribally… They say, about evolution, it surely happened. The fossil records show that, but look, my body and your body are miracles of design. The scientists are pretending they have the answer of how we got this way when natural selection couldn’t possibly have produced such machines.

Q: Does that mean that you would favor teaching Intelligent Design in the classroom?

Look it’s what we’re thinking about all the time. If I were a physics teacher or a science teacher, it’d be on my mind all the time as how the hell we really got this way. It’s a perfectly natural human thought. O.K. if you go into the science class you can’t think this? Oh, all right as soon as you leave you can start thinking about it again without giving aid and comfort to the lunatic fringe of the Christian religion. Also, I think it’s tribal behavior. . .

Q: May I ask what tribes, if any, you have belonged to over the years.?

Well it’s an ancestral tribe. These were immigrants from north of Germany who came here about the time of the Civil War. Anyway, these people called themselves freethinkers. They were impressed, incidentally, by Darwin. They’re called humanists now, people who are not so sure that the Bible is the word of God. The trouble with being a secular humanist is that we don’t have a congregation; we don’t meet, so it is a flimsy tribe. There’s a wonderful quotation from Nietze, “Only a person of deep faith can afford the luxury of skepticism.”

It’s something perfectly wonderful is going on. I do not doubt it, but the explanations I hear do not satisfy me.

I certainly share that sense of wonder. I have struggled for some years with how to handle that wonder, what to do with it. One of the ways I have expressed or embraced that wonder has been through my interest in science fiction. In fact it was my reading of science fiction as an adolescent which helped to be skeptical of my deeply held Roman Catholic religious beliefs.

It used to be a guideline in classical science fiction that the author needed to stick to what is known in science, and only describe technology that is possible according to the best scientific understanding at the time of the writing. This way the writer is able to stretch the imagination to see where technological development is likely to go in the future, and to explore some of the effects such technology might have on people prior to it actually happening. Respectable science fiction seldom deviated from this, and this was how one distinguished between science fiction and fantasy. However, in order to make the genre a little more interesting, science fiction writers were given one and only one exception to this. So the writer could incorporate faster than light travel (warp drive) or time travel, or some other device even though this is not supported by currently accepted scientific thought, as long as the writer confined himself or herself to only one such device. I believe that this convention gradually eroded.

Star Trek, for example adopted at least two of these exceptions, warp drive and teleportation, as simply part of the universe being created. Then when time travel was introduced in an episode it was not seen as a stretch away from science fiction because the other two were part of the accepted facts of that universe, not unusual or to be questioned. It seems clear that there has been a gradual wearing away of this guideline and it appears that this original guideline is rarely followed today, and I would suspect that younger readers of science fiction may not even be aware of it. One of the results of this is that it is difficult to make any kind of distinction between science fiction and fantasy. I find the convention for as long as it lasted to be extremely interesting as it provides some restraint on imagination, similar I think to the constraints that artist put on themselves when for example they decide to write a haiku or a sonnet, or follow some other structure in painting or sculpture, and confine their imagination and creativity within that particular structure.

I am interested in whether it may be possible to follow some similar constraint in the way in which we discuss or consider spiritual ideas or concepts. I would not quarrel with the idea that any discussion about spiritual issues is primarily a discussion involving the imagination, as opposed to a discussion about ideas proposed from within the discipline imposed by the scientific method. So if we venture off into the imagination, it would be easy to simply dismiss all such discussion as without discipline, as simply free flowing and of little or no value in regard to understanding what is real or important in our day to day life. I would strongly dispute this way of understanding imagination.

Rather, I would propose that we allow for one exception to currently understood ideas about reality, and then to carry on the discussion more or less following standards of logic and reason. Through such a project, I believe, we might learn something useful about our perception of reality and especially about the meaning of this life, if not the nature of it.

In spiritual discussions there are a number of commonly discussed ideas including whether there is a Supreme Being or not, and if there is such a being, what this being’s nature might be, and whether that being has any relationship to this world we live in and to us humans. If there be such a relationship, what is it? Other questions focus on us human beings: What is our nature? What are we doing here? Do we have a purpose? What happens when we die? And so forth. There are also questions about the universe or universes in which we reside: What is the nature of this universe? Are there others? What is the meaning of such? These last series of questions tend to overlap scientific questions, and lead to many complicated explorations.

I want to focus on a simpler question, and it has to do with the question of whether or not there is some other aspect of who I am that supercedes this brain and body? I am, of course, talking about consciousness. I look into a mirror and I look into my own eyes. What do I see there? I intuitively sense there is someone there. Who is this creature? And how can I be considering this question? Who is the I who is looking into the mirror?

O.K. so I take one liberty. I believe that I have a consciousness that is not confined to this body. I have a soul, a spirit. Granted, this is a huge leap of the imagination and cannot be proven. There are of course anecdotal accounts of persons who have been clinically dead and therefore unable to perceive through their senses, but who have recounted details about the events which occurred in the hospital room. In one such account a clinically dead woman traveled to the roof and identified an object on the roof that she later described correctly. I do not expect these accounts to be scientifically convincing however, and I do not claim that they are so. I fully concede that it is a leap of faith. It is one I have taken, and one that I know many of you here have taken as well. I invite those who have not taken such a leap to simply concede the point for the sake of argument and let’s see what happens next.

So, if I have a soul or a spirit that is potentially independent of this body, then it is reasonable to suppose that it will exist after this body ceases to function. Christian thought revolves around this idea and proposes various notions about what happens to this spirit after death, with some kind of judgment and some higher authority deciding where it goes, to a place of happiness or a place of perpetual torture. I see no reason to embrace any of these ideas at this point, as each one takes another leap of faith, and as you may recall, we are only allowing ourselves one exception. It seems fine with me to leave such questions unanswered, although I will suggest some ideas about this later.

However, if we are going to believe that this spirit can exist outside of the body, and that it will exist after the body’s death, then isn’t it reasonable to suppose that it existed prior to the formation of this body in the mother’s womb? If not, then we would have to take another leap, and that would be that some Supreme Being goes to the trouble of creating a brand new spirit each and every time that a human being is born or perhaps conceived. Such a new notion is not really necessary as it then brings in the supreme being question and takes a position about it as well, which actually means we have to adopt two additional beliefs, first that there is a supreme being of some kind and secondly that this being is specifically involved hundreds of thousands of times each day in creating new souls or spirits.

So in order to step away from such new beliefs, it is necessary to believe that this spirit existed prior to our birth. O.K. how did this spirit join with this body? We could suggest again that some supreme being caused it to be, but this would again require a belief in such a being and a belief in this being’s ongoing daily intimate involvement, and we are back to where we were before. If we are serious about keeping our exceptions to only one, then we must reject this idea. It would be logical then to suppose that this spirit has within itself the ability to incarnate into a human body as it forms in the womb of a human mother.

Now we are at a wonderful juncture. We have come, through logic, to a very exciting place, because we are now assigning incredible powers to this spirit. It means that you and I existed in some non-corporeal form prior to our births, that we had consciousness at that time, and that we had the power to incarnate into this body, and that we in fact did so. If we did it at our birth, it is logical to think that we may have done it before and that we may do it again.

So in my mind a next obvious question to consider is why we don’t remember having done this? I do not think we will be able to definitively answer this question, but I think it is a legitimate exercise to speculate about this and other questions as long as we do not break our original tenet, that is, as long as our speculations do not require an additional leap of faith. We tend to think of memory and intelligence as residing in our brain, but since we had consciousness prior to this brain even existing, then we must have had something comparable to intelligence and memory, without a brain. This consciousness would then preside somewhere within our non-corporeal being, somewhere within our spiritual being. It seems logical then to suppose that the actual process of incarnating my spirit into this body resulted in the loss of that other intelligence and memory, in order that I might embrace a new version of it in my brain. So, incarnating into a body results in a memory loss. Does the same thing happen when I leave this body? Do I then forget everything that happened in this life? If so, it would certainly make the process of incarnating somewhat pointless, in my view.

Many folks who have had experiences of clinical death, and many who come close but do not actually experience clinical death, report an experience of their life flashing in front of them. I am wondering if this could be a downloading process or rather an uploading process, of all our experiences in this life, being prepared to upload to the spiritual self. Then after leaving the body, my spirit will have access to all my experiences and all the things I may have learned in this particular incarnation. As a spiritual being, I could then use that information to help me decide if and when I might incarnate again, and perhaps set some goals for the next lifetime.

This leads me to another proposal, and that is that the loss of memory is useful to me at birth so that I will have a “clean slate” in a sense to learn things that I might not have learned had I been able to remember my life outside the body. By creating some independence or separation from my spiritual self, I can perhaps create new experiences that I cannot have as a spirit. Perhaps the memory loss is purposeful, part of my plan.

I am led at this point to speculate about other questions such as what is the meaning then, of this life? Why do we incarnate into these bodies at all? Could it be just for the fun of it? Could it be simply to have a new experience after the boredom of the spiritual world? What are the relationships among all the spirits prior to and after incarnation? Are there some spiritual beings who never incarnate? Could they be what some call angels? Is here a connection between all these spirits? If they do not have corporeal bodies, how do they distinguish one from the other? Or could they all be One?

Perhaps I will speculate on some of these questions in future blogs.

Since accepting the idea of reincarnation in my own life, much has changed and shifted. For example, I no longer believe that any of us are truly victims. No one can hurt me unless I decide to allow this to happen, unless I decide that being hurt is something I want to experience. So if someone suggests to me that he or she is a victim, I instead see this person as a powerful being who wanted to learn something through such an experience. If I have a bad experience in one lifetime, I can always try again and perhaps do it next time in a way closer to my preferences. If we are powerful enough to incarnate into this body, then we certainly should have the right to leave this body if we so choose, so I believe in the right to die. Since I probably have lived many lifetimes, I suspect that I have had many different experiences. Any terrible thing that I observe in others is likely a thing I have also done in some lifetime or another, so this helps me to develop compassion and patience. The Buddhists suggest that we consider every being we meet as someone who could very well have our mother in another life, and so to treat every being with the deepest of respect and gratitude. This has helped me many times in dealing with difficult people in my life. I would welcome comments about this topic from my readers.

Recovery Poem

2006-01-24T11:14:00.000-06:00

My 11 year old daughter was reading poetry to me this morning before school from a wonderful book by Shel Silverstein and I was very struck by one:

Morgan’s Curse
By Shel Silverstein

Followin’ the trail on the old treasure map,
I came to the spot that said “Dig right here.”
And four feet down my spade struck wood
Just where the map said a chest would appear.
But carved in the side were written these words:
“A curse upon he who disturbs this gold.”
Signed, Morgan the Pirate, Scourge of the Seas.
I read these words and my blood ran cold.
So here I sit upon untold wealth
Tryin’ to figure which is worse:
How much do I need this gold?
And how much do I need this curse?

For those readers who are in recovery or who know someone who is, I know that returning to the addiction looks and smells like a treasure for the moment; "untold wealth" it is to feel high again, to have that brief but unmistakable feeling of letting go, or peace from the pain, of distraction from this crazy world. I am much impressed by the narrator of the poem who allows himself/herself to sit and consider the choice, and I invite you to do so as well.

And blessings to you, dear Shel, wherever you are in the other realms, I am sure you are still sharing your artistic self.

Please send water, the first medicine.

2006-01-13T15:27:00.000-06:00

I know that when I am asked to donate to a worthy cause I usually say no. I really am broke for one thing, and I don't know how much of my donation will really get to those who need it, or so I tell myself. When Peacebang shared her conversation with Mrs. Belinda Williams of Allen Chapel A.M.E. Church in Baton Rouge, and explained that THESE FOLKS NEED WATER and then gave me a link to send it, I couldn't refuse, even though I don't actually have the money to pay the credit card at the moment. If you want to shop around for a better price on the internet, I encourage it, but if you are like me and don't have the time to do so, then just click on this link, grit your teeth and charge it to your credit card, and worry about paying it later. In two or three days, the water will be drunk by thirsty people who have lots of other stuff to worry about. Perhaps if they don't have to worry about where to get a drink of water, it might free up some energy to take some other survival steps. If you order six cases, you don't have to pay postage, and it will cost you $51.12. And please post a comment to let me know that you did it.

Ship to:
Allen Chapel A.M.E. Church
6175 Scenic Highway
Baton Rouge, LA 70807

Saint Precarious, help us

2006-01-12T12:53:00.000-06:00

Dear St. Precarious:

We are in great need of your assistance at this point in our lives. I know that you are especially dedicated to Italian flex workers and Europeans in general, but we are desperately precarious here in the United States as well. We do need brand new ways of doing things. The money thing is not working very well at all. I know it is up to us to become more creative and take chances every day to live the lives we wish to live. So we humbly pray for your guidance and assistance as we move foreward this day. Amen.

11-11-11

2006-01-07T23:25:00.000-06:00

Anyone out there understand numerology? I keep getting these cosmic winks of glancing at the clock when it is 11-11, now tonight it was an atomic clock and it was 11-11 and 11 seconds.

Letting Go: An Update on the Practice of Patience

2006-01-06T11:09:00.000-06:00

[See related post] I have discovered that what is beautiful about this practice is that it leaves little room for negative self judgment. I had a couple of occasions, once when I got really angry at an irritating circumstance, and another time when I got angry at one of my children. I noticed that these bursts of anger were shorter lived than they used to be, and that I was able to consider being patient with myself at the end of them, which minimized the self-debasing practices that I used to engage in. It made it easier to let go.

There is a story of a monk and his teacher who were walking in the forest. They came upon a small creek and saw a beautiful elegantly dressed lady standing on the other side of the creek who was obviously trying to figure out how to cross the body of water. Without hesitation the teacher stepped across the creek, picked up the lady and carried her across, set her down, and without a word, continued on his way. His student was very troubled by witnessing this scene because he had been taught that he was not allowed to touch a woman under any circumstances. He was, however, hesitant to bring this up to his teacher, lest he show disrespect to him. So they continued to walk in silence for several more hours. Finally the young monk could bear it no longer and he said, “Excuse me teacher, but I am confused by your actions. You have taught me that it is wrong to touch a woman.” The teacher stopped and looked directly at his student and said simply: “I did pick her up, my student, but I set her down again. Why are you still carrying her?”

So my practice continues with a deeper understanding of the importance of letting go of self criticism.

Fourth Dimensional Cubby Holes

2006-01-06T10:31:00.000-06:00

[For those of you my readers who have been taking some of your precious time to read my entries to date, you might notice a change in focus in this entry and my last about the crystal children. These two entries actually reflect much more closely the intention that I had in setting up this blog, but I will not be surprised if some of you lose interest and start thinking of Wally Nut as a real nut case. But alas and alack, so it goes. I do hope that some of you will continue to read my musings and I invite you to notice if any of what I say might resonate in your hearts. And please remember that any spiritual beliefs and practices will appear to be nonsense by many who do not share those perspectives. And I of course would welcome your thoughts or reflections about this.]

I had a dream last night where I came to some new understandings which I will attempt to describe here. The fourth dimension is a territory where souls who have left this plane (died) often roam around if they are not ready or don’t know the way to the Bridge of Flowers (see Crimson Circle) which is the entryway to the angelic realms. There are cubby holes in this fourth dimension where con artists reside. One could call these cubby holes regions or rooms in hell. No one goes there of course without their consent, but it is possible to get conned into it. I confess to my readers that I got totally conned into buying a timeshare in Orlando, not once but twice. My partner and I have finally come to terms that we made a big mistake and I am working to sell it off at a great loss. I have struggled for a few years now to understand how that happened and what lesson I was supposed to learn. In my dream last night I finally understood that these timeshare selling operations are reflections on this plane of those cubbyholes of hell where the con artists reside (and of course vice versa).

By getting taken in by them here, I now have a much greater understanding of how such operations work, and I am confident that I will be able to stay clear of them more easily when I pass over. Also, I am going to be trained in February as a Dream Walker and I believe this understanding will aid me greatly in this work. To describe briefly, these particular cubbyholes operate with an inner spiral. As you enter the space, you quickly spiral around so that you end up facing reflections of yourself at all points, and it appears there is no way out. There reflections will be images that perpetuate any and all unrealized hopes and dreams, and rely heavily on pieces of greed and hunger for privilege, power, and influence (that all but the most evolved of us still hold onto), as well as any and all unresolved "buttons" that can still be pushed, whether it is not wanting to be rude, not wanting to disobey rules, accepting authority, etc.

One thing that happened in my dream is that my partner and I were listening to one of these spiels, and in the middle of one of them, I looked at my partner and we simply got up and walked away without saying a word. When we got outside the building, someone there told us there was no way out to our car, and we basically ignored her and walked to our car anyway. In summary, there is no trick to getting away, one simply walks away. All is of course illusion, and unless one buys into the illusion, one is not caught. The spiral seems very real and the deeper one goes into it the more one feels trapped, but none of it has to have any power over us.

Crystal Children

2006-01-06T09:34:00.000-06:00

The crystal children are coming in, and we’ve got to find a way to support their mothers. The Indigo kids have of course been coming in really stongly for a decade or more, and lots of times been able to sort of raise themselves, or at least they make so much noise that they are able to find resources. (These are the six year olds who call 911 when their mom's boyfriend hits her.) I have noticed that lots and lots of these new crystal children are coming into families headed by single women who are living in poverty. These moms are working one or two jobs, and are often connected with various men who are supporting the family financially only sporadically, if at all. These beautiful powerful children are not getting sufficient support and love. In lots of the literature about these children, it is said that they need extra support and protection, but there is an inadequate understanding that this is pretty hard to do if there is only one adult present in the family and she has to work 40 or 50 hours a week to pay the basic bills, and has to make all sorts of compromises in order to meet even basic needs of herself and these little ones.

Distinctions

2005-12-26T10:45:00.000-06:00

I tend to get very tired of the “all or nothing” mentality that seems to be pervasive in the culture these days. It may have to do with the ways in which polarity is on its way out, and consequently it is pushing the limits to be seen at the edges. But at any rate, there was an AP piece that came out on December 16, 2005. The title in our local paper of the piece was “Call your nurse ‘sweetie’? That’s sexual harassment.” The article sites a 1982 study reported by the American Nurses Association that 60 percent of the nurses surveyed report being sexually harassed at work. It is not clear to me why they are reported a 22 year old study.

Not to pick only on nurses, I found an article in Social Work: A Journal of the National Association of Social Workers October 2005 (Volume 50, Number 4), entitled “Conflict in the Workplace: Social Workers as Victims and Perpetrators” (pp. 305-315). This article reports a survey of national sample of social workers who were asked about their experiences of workplace violence: being either a perpetrator or a victim of physical or psychological violence. 62% report being a victim of psychological violence and 11.9% perpetrators of the same. (Physical violence 14.7 victim and 4% perpetrator) What does this mean? Well, let’s look at the definitions of psychological violence. They include, among more serious offenses, “stomped away during disagreement,” “insulted or swore,” and for some reason “called fat or ugly” is a separate category (I guess that is a more severe form of insult than other kinds?).

I am wondering how 38% of social workers avoided even one incident in their entire career of someone either insulting them or stomping away during a disagreement. Were these folks involved in difficult human change work? Life is messy and complicated sometimes and emotional stuff will come up if people are moving through difficult times. If stomping away is a form of psychological violence, then parents of teenagers have got to be the sorriest victims around.

Please. Give me a break.

When we define violence in this way, we minimize and trivialize the very awful experiences of psychological torture that some folks go through on a daily basis. I am thinking of women who are involved in relationships with abusive men who literally try to drive them crazy, who have set themselves up as an authority of their identities and who routinely do violent damage to that identity. We trivialize the children who are routinely ridiculed by parents who know little of the notion of nurturance. We trivialize our young men and women’s experience in basic training where their sense of self is routinely and systematically assaulted and abused so that they will learn to not trust themselves and instead follow orders. We trivialize the experience of human beings who are incarcerated without having charges being filed against them, with no contact to the outside world, and then are tortured, whether by U.S. soldiers, or thugs of other governments.

We need to make distinctions. We need to discriminate between that which can be sloughed off and that which ought to be considered kind of bad and that which is truly awful. If a social worker has to go into someone's home and crticize parents for abusing their children and the young mother addicted to meth-amphetamines gets angry and stomps away, that social worker is not a victim of psychological violence. When Mabel who serves me coffee at the local diner calls me sweetie, she is not guilty of sexual harassment. Nor is the 90 year old man who is hospitalized after a stroke and calls his nurse sweetie. Have we forgotten how to think critically? Is common sense completely absent from current culture?

Belief and/or Practice

2005-12-02T09:03:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking a lot about the issue of belief and practice since reading Hafidha’s recent blog: Three Days of Jesus and the Word "God" especially her last question: “If one day I should believe in God again, what would change?”

I really think that we in the West are obsessed by belief. We are so interested in what people believe, and specifically whether they believe in God. My partner is a Tibetan Buddhist and people say things like, “Well they believe in God don’t they?” or “Do they believe in Jesus?” I am by no means that knowledgeable about Hinduism but it is my understanding that “what do you believe?” would not be the first question a Hindi would ask, but it would be something like “What is your practice?” Certainly this would be true of Buddhism.

For some reason I do not hear Christians asking “What is your practice?” Why is that? Is it because one doesn’t have to have a practice in order to be a Christian? I do not hear this question from Unitarian Universalists either. Why is that? I suspect that we are a bit afraid to challenge each other spiritually, and this question perhaps has a bit of an edge to it in our culture. Why is that? Perhaps because the question assumes that one has a practice, and perhaps some of us are lazy?

I am going to start sharing my practices on this blog, and I invite others to do so as well. I am really leaning toward the notion that belief is mostly irrelevant but practice is vital, essential, relevant.

So here is my start:

Since my birthday November 27, I have been practicing patience. This is not a foreign practice to me, as I have been playing with it for much of my adult life. However, I am now applying it specifically to myself, leaning to be patient with myself. One of my big, big issues is time, and I tend to always have more on my plate than I can possibly accomplish. Part of that is being a parent of four children, and juggling a lot of work hours. So I am specifically practicing patience with my time schedule. I will do stuff little by little and if it doesn’t get done today, I will praise my efforts and give myself permission to relax and meditate anyway.

Support the Troops?

2005-11-30T19:57:00.000-06:00

He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.
--Albert Einstein

Why is this so difficult to write about? I have been wanting to say this since the invasion of Iraq by my country, but haven’t had the guts to do it. I have been thinking though that if I cannot write what I want in my own blog, then I shouldn’t have a blog at all.

If I have a son who joins a gang and he sets off one night and I press him to tell me what’s going on, and he tells me that one of his buddies was shot by a rival gang. He is going out to avenge the death. Do I tell him, “Well son I really don’t approve of this war of yours, but I support you fully. I hope you don’t get killed, and that you do whatever is necessary so you don’t. In fact, son, I want you to know that I really do not approve of what you are doing, but I noticed that you do not have the best equipment. Let me buy you a more powerful gun so you won’t as likely get killed.”

I don’t think so. I do every thing I can do to make sure he doesn’t go out tonight and I work as hard as I can to find a way for him to get out of that gang, at all costs, even if it means him going to prison instead.

So I guess the big question is “What kind of support?” If support means to let our soldiers know that we are praying for them that they don’t die, (read kill real good) and that we must give them the best equipment (read weapons of human destruction), and that we think they are brave and noble, then:

I DO NOT SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!

There. I said it. I hid a little behind Einstein, and I couldn’t quite say it at the beginning of the blog, and I couldn't find the courage to put it in the title, but I said it.

One Laptop Per Child (OLPC)

2005-11-29T22:48:00.000-06:00

I’ve got to talk about the $100 laptop project: One Laptop per Child (OLPC). Can you imagine this? A laptop in a pretty lime green color, durable plastic, with a built in wi-fi card and a crank (one minute of winding will give you ten minutes of usage), a color screen, open source only software (it runs Linux through Red Hat). Think of a village in India, or on a Lakota reservation in South Dakota, with every student linked to every other student, writing on their laptops. If they can find an access point, they will all be connected to the internet and can get information. They can type their reports, email each other and the teacher, etc. etc. And it will only cost $100 per child. You have got to order a minimum of one million units, so we need only raise 100 million dollars to equip one million kids. Those of you who know something about fund raising, lets get going on this!

The Double Nickel

2005-11-27T20:35:00.000-06:00

People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
--Albert Einstein

"Live as long as you may, the first 20 years are the longest half of your life. They appear so while they're passing, they seem to have been when we look back on them, and they take up more room in our memory than all the years that succeed them."
-- England's poet laureate Robert Southey 1837 (as quoted by Jay Ingram, author of The Velocity of Honey)

55 years ago this day I transitioned into birth. I have been living on this planet in this body as Gaia has traveled 55 times around our sun. The first few revolutions seemed to take forever. Then somehow the speed seemed to increase. Now, she swims through space much faster, or so it seems. I remember when I celebrated my 50th birthday. My partner arranged a party for me at our local coffee house and we had lots of fattening food and many friendly guests. Now it is 55, and we celebrated by taking the family out to see “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.” Then we took a huge carrot cake to the Assisted Living facility where my mother resides and gave cake to all the residents, after singing happy birthday to me of course.

My back has gotten lots better with ice and chiropractic treatment. I had conversation with a pediatrician friend of mine, sharing with him that my doctor did prescribe pain medicine as well as muscle relaxants, but that she also encouraged me to continue with my chiropractic care. I asked my friend if he encouraged his patients who had such problems to see a chiropractor. He replied that he did not, because chiropractic treatment is not based on scientific investigation or rigor. I was surprise by this answer, and he explained further that if it makes them feel better he wouldn’t necessarily discourage it, but he seemed to equate it with the fantastic, similar to faith healing. I thought about asking him if he ever gave advice to the parents of his patients, such as suggesting to a dad that let up a little on his son, or to suggest to a mother that talk to her daughter about menses. Then if he said yes, I was going to question him as to what is the scientific basis of such advice. Could he prove that such parenting practices are going to improve the life of his patients? I thought also of discussing with him whether he is influenced by certain drug representatives and find himself prescribing one medicine rather than another even though there is not scientific evidence that one is more effective that another? But I held my tongue, another characteristic of getting older. What would be the point?

I recently found out that my first cousin now 56 has retired. He must have made wiser investments than I have. It is true that a decade doesn’t seem nearly as long as it used to, and in ten years I will be at that magic 65 when I would presumably be eligible for retirement and Medicare. (Actually it is 66 for me due to my birthday.) I have been working hard to figure out a way to have a steady stream of cash without having to work but a few hours a week, to free up my time for what I really want to do. As I keep working at it, I may get old so quick that retirement (the traditional way to do this) will appear before I can get it accomplished. I had hoped that we would find an alternative to this money business by now, but it looks like I underestimated this by a few decades (or perhaps a few generations).

Why did I create this?

2005-11-03T13:01:00.000-06:00

Two days ago I reached for something out of my briefcase and "pulled out" my back. I was able to get to the chiropractor and had a treatment from him as well as ultrasound and felt a whole lot better. Two hours later, I was sitting in my chair in my office and considering whether to call the ambulance as I couldn’t imagine ever being able to get up and walk across the room much less make it to my car and drive home. After applying ice I was able (barely) to do both and was so grateful when I was able to crawl in my bed, where I stayed for almost 24 hours. The only time I got up was to go to the bathroom and that was with major pain and difficulty. With the aid of additional chiropractor treatment and good drugs, I can move around and even went to work today. But what was that all about? Lying on my back with lots of time to reflect? Taking a break from my many responsibilities? My spiritual sister says that lower back problems have to do with not feeling supported. That sure fits, but so what? It is up to me to find the support I need and to take care of myself in this life. I love to work. I love to be alive. For sure it has reminded me to be thankful of everything I usually take for granted: being able to walk down the hall, being able to cook supper, being able to sit with my family for supper. Is that it? Or am I missing something?

Breathing into Each Moment

2005-10-27T22:21:00.000-05:00

I am inspired by PeaceBang who writes virtually every day, so I am going to work on writing more often. I do not know if the details of an evening with four kids would be of any interest to anyone, but here goes.

Breathing into each moment is a challenge, but I am finding that it really helps.

Thursdays I work until 6:00 p.m. seeing individuals and families in therapy sessions. When I have a space in my schedule I will type progress notes or do work related to my website design business. I end my last session at 6:00 and type a note into the computer. It is 6:20 when I leave the office. It is about a fifteen or twenty minute ride home, but when I get downtown I remember that my 15 year old son has asked me a couple of days now for money to fill up “his” tank. (Take a breath.) So I stop at the ATM machine and take out $20 so I don’t get home until 6:45. My youngest daughter (11) runs to hug me. My oldest wants to know if I brought the money and when I can go with him to fill up the tank, because his mom noticed that one of “his” tires needs air and he says he has never filled up a tire and needs me there to help him (or more likely, to do it for him.) I give him $10 for gas telling him that it should tide him over until Monday when we get paid (Halloween). Later I find out that his mom already gave him $15, so now he has twenty five. (Take a breath.)

My partner wants to talk to me about the other two middle children (12 and 13) who both have an assignment to write an essay about what are true patriots today. It is due tomorrow and neither one has done much on it. We have to decide whether my son should go to Tae Kwon Do or skip it so he can get his assignment done. We decide that he has to skip Tae Kwon Do. He insists that he is almost done and will have time to do both. We stand firm, (take a breath) and this time he doesn’t give us a big argument. Perhaps he doesn’t really want to go tonight that badly. He gets the essay done pretty easily, as he has a good grasp of language and can pull something together. So he approaches me to enquire if there is a computer that has Word installed so he can type it. I tell him that he has to use the kid’s computer and will have to do with Wordpad. He complains that it doesn’t have spell check. I ask him how many words his essay is and I learn it is under 400 words, (take a breath) so I suggest that he can look at each word to see if it is spelled correctly. He isn’t too happy about this but brings up a more difficult problem, in that the printer is not installed on the kid’s computer. I tell him to email it to me when he finishes typing it and I’ll print it from my laptop. Meanwhile I go with my oldest to get gas and air, grabbing some leftover food in between.

Now for my other middle child. Unlike her brother she has been working all week here and there on the essay, and has six or seven sheets each half filled and then rejected to start anew. (Her Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder doesn’t really help in this process.) She also has an outline that starts off pretty well and erodes into stream of consciousness. I ask her if I can help, as I kneel on the floor next to her at her spot on the dining room table. She starts to cry, (take a breath) and it is hard for me to get her to let me in on what is going on. Finally she tells me that she doesn’t think there are any true patriots alive today because nobody really likes George W and no one is really taking care of the country like they did during the Revolutionary War. (Take several breaths.) I help her find a couple of her paragraphs that speak to those who helped with the Katrina mess as modern Patriots, and even though she only partially believes this, it is enough to pull together something. She is able to make a comparison between those volunteers who risk their life to save others, with those who were fighting for their freedom at the time of the Revolutionary War. The essay is supposed to be 330-400 words, and it is clear to me that there is no way she will come close to that, but we plunge forward. First we talk together about what she wants to say, and then I encourage her to write what we just talked about. This way we move forward, paragraph by paragraph. At one point I make the mistake of asking her to count how many words she has written and after an agonizing four or so minutes she comes up with 135. (Take a breath.) So we plunge on. As soon as she starts to write a paragraph, this provides me an opening to show my son how to email me his essay, and then print it.

My youngest has a Halloween concert tomorrow where she plays the violin. It’s at 1:45 and I am thankful that I remembered to change my schedule around so I could attend. She wants me to videotape it because her teacher has breast cancer and cannot attend and wants to watch it later. I cannot remember where the video camera is and disappoint her by telling her I will not be able to do it. Perhaps some other parent will get it together to tape it? She doesn’t think so. (Take a breath.) I know there will probably be 10 grandparents doing it. She decides to practice her part one more time and I am thankful that she asks to practice in her room so that her sister will not be distracted. Of course she elects to play at her doorway (take a breath) hoping everyone will hear and/or get upset?

My daughter finally gets her essay done but still has to type it, and I know she is not going to get to bed at 9:00. (Take a breath.) Then my partner reminds me that she has to get a shower for sure tonight. (Take a breath.)

It all gets done, but not until 10:00, and I neglected to mention getting my daughters their bedtime medication and giving my youngest her growth hormone shot. Now I can finish typing this, and connect with my partner before collapsing in bed.

My feelings about the essay? All 7th graders are required to write an essay to submit to the Patriot Contest which is sponsored by the VFW or some such group. My son's teacher told them that if they wrote anything that was anti-war, that they would be graded on the assignment but that it would not be submitted to the contest. I guess Cindy Sheenan can't be discussed in the same sentence as Patriot. How about Rosa Parks? Maybe if she was just a tired lady who just refused to get out of her seat. Probably not if she was part of a community of folks who had the audacity to expect to be treated as true citizens, even to break the law to make that point. And how about members of the House of Representatives who have the audacity to question whether the federal government was doing its job after Katrina? Would any of these pass the VFW test?

But here is the more important question for me: How do I find the time and energy to discuss these ideas with my children? Which of the activites described above do I let go of in order to do so? And who am I to suggest that my children try to challenge in some way such an assignment? My daughter's tears: were they a challenge? Does anyone know how to convert tears to essays?

Illusion and Love

2005-09-06T00:24:00.000-05:00

Most of us are curious; we want to know what it is all about. Some of us find comfort in a channel or a scripture reading. We learn that the celestial realm is real. We feel in our hearts that it is true that we have lived many lives on this planet. We realize that we are moving forward in a new way, each moment, each breathe that we take. We come to understand that we absolutely do create our experience. We do not create our reality, because there is only one reality. There is only love, connection, oneness. Everything else is illusion. This story that I have spent 55 years creating, altering, adjusting, fine-tuning, is illusion. This ego that I have grown fond of is, of course, illusion, but so is the self, the inner self, the core self, the higher self. Even the celestial realms are illusion, because there is no separation between the celestial realm and the earthly realm. God is of course illusion, because she is our creation. There is only love. There is only Oneness.

If the above paragraph seems to be bullshit, then that is O.K. too, because whatever understandings that I have felt so strongly that have helped me to write that paragraph are almost certainly full of illusion and misunderstandings. If I listen carefully to other humans talking, I can pick up little pieces of truth, of comfort, of understandings and beauty, even amidst the illusions. I have stepped into this beautiful dreadful awful illusion, and I am going for broke here; I am in for the long haul. I am here and determined to live fully and lovingly, each moment, to walk in spirit and to create heaven on earth. I know that that too is illusion, but it is an illusion that is closer to my truth than any so far, so I will keep putting one foot in front of the other until that day when I walk out of my body. And I will continue to call for those in the illusionary celestial realms to walk with me, as I can teach them as much as they can teach me.

Whatever beliefs or understandings that you have discovered, I applaud them, even as I see them as illusion. Let us walk together: in conflict, in connection, in love and in hate. Whatever you bring to me, I bless it as your precious illusion. Whatever I bring to you, I also bless it as my precious illusion. If you wish to bless me and what I offer, I accept your blessing. If you do not offer a blessing, then that too is O.K. as I can certainly learn from your neutrality or your curse. In fact, I bless your neutrality. I even bless your curse. Your reactions or mine do not change what is; they only change our experience of what is. What is is only One; it is only love and connection.

Katrina

2005-09-02T08:16:00.000-05:00

Each morning I read the paper and weep. Each night I watch the news and weep. I see images of desperate people without water, food and sanitation. I truely do not understand why we do not bring them these essestials. Without water, food, and some semblance of sanitation, us humans do not function well. With these simple things, we can at least organize ourselves. For the sake of some semblance of humanity, let's bring our soldiers home from Iraq and send them to Louisiana.

Boy Scouts

2005-08-28T23:05:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine, Mike, died about four years ago. A few years before that, I was really into the “Mytho-Poetic Men’s Movement” influenced by men like Robert Bly and Michael Meade. So I helped organized a Men’s Group at our church and as one of our projects, we decided to make a drum. We bought a freshly butchered bull buffalo hide and spent a couple of weeks stripping it and turning it into raw hide. I got a hold of a hollowed out cottonwood tree truck from another friend for the base of the drum. Mike was with me every step of the way in this process. I was passionate and excited about it. Stripping a buffalo hide is hard work, and there were frustrations along the way, but I was having great fun. At one point I noted this and expected Mike to admit to also having great fun. He told me that he really had little interest in the project and in fact didn’t really want to do it. I was very surprised and questioned him about it. He explained that he frequently does things that he doesn’t want to do in order to experience these things, especially if someone he cares about is so obviously interested in it.

Well, Mike I am trying to follow your example in going to Boy Scout functions with my son. Today I went to a Court of Honor where the boys are honored with merit badges and such. We met at a beautiful park, and shared a pot luck meal. I really struggle with the rituals which are so nationalistic: the flag ceremony, the pledge of allegiance, the scout promise and law. I looked around me and noticed that the parents seem to be into it, the boys a little less so, but it was so difficult for me to find life energy in it. For me, the energy is so old and crusted over with meaningless chatter. At one point one group of scouts sang a song about crushing a little bird’s head with some kind of refrain about how this is what happens if a bird starts messing with them. I heard one of the parents remark with a laugh, “Isn’t that just like boy scouts!”

Is it that I am too soft and just can’t find the humor in this “harmless boys will be boys routine” or is this some kind of pre-boot camp training? I have always thought of the scouts as a kind of para-military outfit. I guess we have to start young if we want them to invade and occupy other countries without questioning the morals of such. One of the refrains in the Boy Scout promise or perhaps the Boy Scout law is to “help other people at all times.” I don’t understand how these inconsistencies can be so obvious and disturbing to me, but all those around me seem to be fine with all this, and would probably think me a kind of weirdo if I were to try to offer any argument or even ask questions.

One of the primary emphases of the scouts appears to be individual achievement. The boys get award for anything and everything. Yes, they do work hard for these achievements. There are numerous requirements for each award they receive. I guess it does help to teach them to take responsibility for themselves with persistence and determination. But there is something disquieting about all those awards for me. Some of the scouts have so many badges and awards that not only is their uniform full, their sash is packed as well. Fortunately they do not allow any of the Cub Scout awards to be put on the Boy Scout uniform (with the exception of the Arrow of Light) or they would have to have additional sashes and belts or something.

I keep looking for some glimmer of this “Arrow of Light” among the ceremonies and the activities of the scouts, but I have come home empty-handed so far. Sorry Mike, I have been trying, and I will keep going to these events for my son who for some reason has stuck with the scouts, but I am less and less hopeful in finding any energy that I will be able to connect with in these activities. I used to be angry about it, but mostly tried to hide it from my son. Now the anger has subsided and I am more curious, but obviously very judgmental as well. I am trying to use clear discernment, and I can easily say that these activities do not connect with my heart, but my challenge is to be there without judgment, because these activities clearly offer something of value to the many people who participate and volunteer their time to be involved with my son and other boys. So I guess it is good practice for me to continue to work towards finding a place of non-judgment in these activities.

Balance

2005-08-22T10:24:00.000-05:00

I have been working on a kind of balance. On the one hand, I am striving to be aware of the "Felix Felicis," my Higher Self, my connection with the divine, with who I am, so that I may move forward in the world with more "soul confidence," so that I may maximize the opportunites that await each moment, that I may contribute toward the massive project of creating heaven on earth. On the other hand, I am immersing myself in this 3D world, confronting the demons that emerge, working on projects to increase abundance in my life, accepting responsibilities to support my family, to drive my kids around, to take care of my aging mother, to be a good partner. When I focus on the latter 3D concerns, it is easy for the veil to thicken. It is easy to get so immersed in the nitty-gritty of such concerns that I forget to breathe, that I get caught up in emotions like anger, self-rightousness, and judgment. When I focus on the former, it is easy to forget to take out the trash. I really think that my task these days is to find that balance, to stay connected to the divine in the most mundane, crazy, difficult, or boring tasks.

Lady Luck, Felix Felicis, or Higher Self

2005-08-14T17:13:00.000-05:00

As we move forward in our lives, the potential experiences that await us are limitless. Each moment presents itself with many possible choices. We can go this way or that; we can say something or remain silent; we can walk down this road or that road, or sit on the curb and watch the cars go by. Sometimes I sit and watch my cat. She will sit on the top of the chair pretending to be a vulture looking down on her litter mate; then all of a sudden she pounces, and the two of them tousle a little in play. Another time she yawns instead and jumps down and goes over to the window ledge to look out the window, hoping to catch sight of a squirrel or bird. I wonder what inner voice speaks to her and informs her to do one thing and not another. The scientist says it is pure instinct, but that doesn’t explain why yesterday she yawned and today she pounces. I prefer to think that she pounced because she intended to pounce, and she yawned because she intended to yawn. But alas, where does this Intentionality come from, and does it require consciousness?

I must leave these questions unanswered, but it would seem that answers would be easier obtained when talking about human beings instead of cats. So why do I ride one way to work on Monday and decide to go a different way on Tuesday? How do I decide whether to work late or rush home to be with my family? Do I take that second cup of coffee or scoop of ice cream? Do I continue in my job or quit and do something else? Do I talk to my friend about our conflict or let it fester in my heart? Do I use deceit and trickery to achieve my goals or stand in my truth regardless of the consequences?

In Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J. K. Rowling, our hero Harry wins a vial of a wonderful elixir called Felix Felicis. Anyone who drinks such a potion will become lucky for the duration of the spell. He drinks it with a goal in mind, procuring a magical memory from his professor Slughorn. Once he drinks it, however, he immediately feels urges to make certain choices. So he feels like it would be better to go see his friend Hagrid, rather than seek out Professor Slughorn. Instead of walking his usual route, he feels the urge to walk a different way. By following these impulses, he ends up not only seeing his friend Hagrid, but also through a series of events, procuring the magical memory from Slughorn as well. The elixir actually did nothing except provide Harry with impulses, desires, instincts, to turn this way and not that, to let the silence go on one minute, and speak the next, to perform a spell under the table one moment and do nothing the next. It was up to Harry of course to follow those impulses or not. According to the story, the power of Felix Felicis was such that one easily and confidently followed those impulses even if they did not seem rational. In fact Harry’s very close friends Ron and Hermione were aghast at his decision to go visit Hagrid. They were convinced that the elixir was not working and had made him a bit mad.

None of the actions that Harry chose while under the influence of Felix Felicis were particularly odd or unusual in themselves. It was the timing and the coordination of these actions that made the difference. It was as if the elixir had a different perspective than Harry. “Felix” could see the whole picture and could guess better as to the effects of one action rather than another. This broader or higher perspective might be compared to a person watching a mouse go through a maze. By seeing the maze from above, the person could easily see the best route for the mouse to take to reach its goal, while the mouse had to learn it through trial and error.

Often when we think about being lucky we talk about being in the right place at the right time. I go to a party even though I don’t usually go to parties and I meet the person who I end up marrying. So I say I was lucky. How did it happen that I came to that party? Didn’t I choose to go? I do not give myself credit for making that choice because I see my choice as a fluke, a random occurrence. I could have just as easily decided to stay home. But the point, of course, is that I did decide to go to the party. So if I reflect back on that choice, I remember that I “had a feeling” that I should go to that party. Like Harry, I decided to follow that impulse and the results were wonderful.

What would it mean for our lives if it were possible to connect with a kind of Felix Felicis all the time? Some call this an inner voice, others a gut feeling, or the Higher Self. Whatever it may be called or however it may be understood, it may be helpful for us to foster a closer connection with this magical elixir. From Harry’s friends’ perspective, he was “lucky” the night he took the potion. From Harry’s perspective he simply followed the impulses fed to him from Felix. He mobilized the resources that had always been available to him, but which he hadn’t noticed until under Felix’s influence.

Even though we may not be able to see all the possibilities in front of us in this world, we can learn to listen to and follow our own inner voices. We can do the unexpected. I believe that if we move toward those things that make us genuinely joyful and fill our hearts with love, then magical things can and will happen in our lives. The more we do this, I believe, the more Felix will reveal itself to us, and we will be floating downstream with Huck and Tom, waiting for the next adventure.